Why Freedom From Porn Matters

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Welcome to the Husband Material Podcast, where we help Christian men outgrow porn. Why? So you can change your brain, heal your heart, and save your relationship. My name is Drew Boa, and I'm here to show you how. Let's go.

Gospel Reading John 8:1-11

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The dramatic gospel reading comes from John chapter 8, verses 1 through 11. Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of the religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses said stone. What do you say? They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer. So he stood up again. All right.

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Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

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When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again. Where are your accusers? This is the word of the Lord to us.

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Thanks be to God.

Bringing Sexual Shame Into The Light

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Wow. What a story. The compassion of Jesus. And the body language of Jesus that releases shame like no one else can. For many of you, the deepest shame you feel is sexual.

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Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and think of a time when you have felt intense sexual shame.

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Humiliation. Maybe you were embarrassed, abandoned. You felt condemned. Remember what that was like. Bring that into your mind. And remember how you too are like the woman caught in adultery. Now you can open your eyes and hear the good news.

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There is a story in the Bible for you about that exact experience.

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Can you believe it?

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Someone who felt all of those things and how Jesus responded in the most surprising, life-changing, unforgettable way. This story shows us how Jesus feels about shame, what Jesus knows about pride, and what Jesus does about sin. And to those of us who struggle with porn, unwanted behavior of any kind, and sexual brokenness, which is all people, this story is the difference between life and death. And as we open this precious part of the Bible together, may you hear the voice of Jesus speaking to you softly and tenderly. May you see the expression on his face as he looks at you with love, and may you be undone by what he has done for you and me.

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Today we will savor and treasure the most important part of the Bible for husband material.

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If I had to choose just one passage, this would be it. If you have a Bible or if you have a phone, take it out and look at John chapter 8, verses 1 through eleven. We will go through it verse by verse, slowly unpacking every detail because there is so much in this short story. I hope we never get tired of it.

Why This Story Nearly Disappeared

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And before we look at John chapter 8, verse 1, you may notice a special note in your Bible at the end of John chapter 7. It may be that this section, John chapter 7, verse 53 through John chapter 8, verse 11, is in double brackets or it's italicized. It's a little bit different than the rest of the Bible.

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Isn't that interesting? I've pondered that.

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In my Bible, it says the earliest manuscripts and many other ancient witnesses do not have John chapter 8, verses 1 through 11.

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It doesn't say that about a lot of places in the Bible.

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Only a handful. And this is one of them. Here's what that means. The story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery came very close to not being included in the Bible at all. And we would have never heard about it. Why did those early manuscripts not include it? I don't know. Were they offended by the story? Did they think Jesus was too forgiving? Did they accidentally leave it out and then somebody said, No, you have to put that part in? I don't know. But here's what I know every major Bible translation keeps this story in because God knew that we needed it. I'm convinced that he fought for this so that you and I could see our sexual stories in his bigger story. Because this is the part of Jesus' life and ministry for the serious sinners, for the sexual sinners. For you and me, the woman caught in adultery is each one of us.

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So let's look at it together.

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So thankful that this part of the Bible did not get cut.

Scripture Weaponized And A Woman Shamed

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Verse 1, Jesus went to the Mount of Olives at dawn. He appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him and he sat down to teach them. Maybe it seems unremarkable. Notice the posture of Jesus. Throughout these verses, John goes into great detail about exactly what Jesus' body is doing moment by moment.

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He sat down to teach them.

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Because Jesus comes down to our level. He's not towering over us.

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He's not the tyrant. He's not a bully. He teaches us in the trenches.

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He comes down to our level. Like a father bending down to speak with his child. That's his posture.

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Looking eye to eye, heart to heart, no superiority, just connection. He sat down.

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Later, he will bend down and stand up and bend down again and stand up again. He starts by sitting. Contrast that with the teachers of the law and the Pharisees. Verse three. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say? They were using this question as a trap in order to have a basis for accusing him. Who were these guys? They were the spiritual leaders, the pastors, the theologians. They're referencing Leviticus chapter 20, verse 10. Today we would say they were weaponizing scripture, using the Bible for harm, to harm a woman. Who is this woman? We don't know much, but we can guess some things about her. She was caught in the act of adultery, so cheating on her husband, or perhaps with someone else's husband. But who was that man? Leviticus twenty ten says the adulterer and the adulteress should be put to death. But they only brought the adulteress. Where's that other guy?

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Is he standing around the circle? Is he hiding at home? This is not right.

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Why was this woman the only person dragged into the middle of the group? She got singled out. Yes, she sinned, but the way her sin is being handled is not fair. It's not right. And it's not the whole story. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees are bullying her. They have no curiosity about her. Only contempt. So they're not just misusing scripture. They are using and abusing a human being created in the image of God. Can you relate to the woman in this regard? Maybe you've been caught in the middle of sexually acting out. Maybe you've been not just privately exposed, but publicly exposed and humiliated.

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Maybe you've been singled out and bullied while others went unpunished.

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Maybe you've been hurt by spiritual leaders. Maybe you've been used by someone who should have been your safe place.

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The woman caught in adultery sinned. And also she was sinned against.

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How does Jesus respond?

Jesus Refuses The Blame Game

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Verse 6 tells us he bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. What? Really? That's how he responded? You can't make this stuff up. Like, why did John include that detail? Really? Well, the most obvious explanation is that John was there and he was telling us exactly what he saw.

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He doesn't need to understand it. This is what Jesus did.

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He bent down and he started doing something with his finger in the dirt. Some have suggested that Jesus was writing the names of the men around the circle to show that he really knew them and their sin. Others have suggested maybe he was writing the names of the sexual partners of the women around the circle. Remember her to show them their sin? Perhaps. I'm not convinced. Yesterday, my friend Chris told me that the only other place in the Bible that talks about writing with a finger is Exodus 31, 18, where God wrote the Ten Commandments with his finger on tablets of stone. Maybe Jesus was writing the Ten Commandments. All ten, not just do not commit adultery, hinting that he himself is the author of those commandments.

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But my favorite theory, the explanation I like best, is that Jesus was doodling. It doesn't matter what he was writing. He was doing absolutely nothing.

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Why? Because he has no interest in engaging that conversation in any way. He completely detaches from the blame and the shame. John Calvin says, Christ rather intended by doing nothing to show how unworthy they were of being heard. Just as if any person, while another was speaking to him, were to draw lines on the wall or turn his back or show by any other sign that he was not attending to what was said. And in this regard, Jesus is our example of how to deal with bullies. Don't even give them the satisfaction of a response. Ignore it, move on. It is not worth your attention. But it's interesting, isn't it? He's drawing in the dirt. One of my earliest memories in kindergarten was going out to recess, not having anyone to play with, sitting under a play structure, and just looking at pebbles, seeing which ones looked like a dinosaur and trying to find shapes in the pebbles.

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Because I was bored. I think Jesus is bored with condemnation.

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I mean, he's heard it all before. Jesus hears all the reasons why someone is sinful and deserving of death, and he's like, meh. This is how the God of the universe feels about the worst thing you've ever done. Okay. And he hears about all the dirt you've done, and he's more interested in the dirt on the ground. How does Jesus feel about shame and blame? It might as well be negligible air resistance compared to his love. Sin is not okay. The damage is real, and no sin can ever be greater than God's ability to heal. So it's like nothing to him. Shaming and blaming does not face Jesus because nothing can make him love you any less, and nothing can make him love you anymore. You cannot make Jesus be mean.

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The Pharisees tried and they couldn't do it. He's too kind.

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He's too compassionate. He's not playing the guilt game. He's playing the grace game. And when he plays that game, he wins. Every time. Let's see what happens next. Verse seven. They kept on questioning him. Can you imagine that? Jesus is playing tic-tac-toe in the pebbles, and they are piling on the accusations.

The Inner Circle Of Accusation

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They are demanding an answer. When I picture that in my mind, I remember the very first husband material retreat when Doug Carpenter introduced the wild world of psychodrama to us all. He created a process where one man would stand in the center of a circle, and five or six other men would stand around him. Each one would have a line, a trauma-based shame belief that they would shout at the man in the middle. Understandably, I was alarmed. I was very concerned that this could be re-traumatizing. But the truth is, each one of us has that circle of shame and accusation on the inside already doing that. And he would have these brave, courageous men hear all of the lies that have been incessantly infecting them. What does that circle of shame sound like in your head, especially after you've sexually sinned, like the woman caught in adultery? Who do you think you are? Are you even a Christian? You're a fraud. You're an imposter. You're a fake. You're a hypocrite. You deserve to be punished. You don't deserve to live. You're not a man. You're pathetic. You're sick. You're a pervert. You are nothing. You will never be free. You are unlovable. Fill in the blank. That circle of shame and accusation around that woman exists within each one of us. What does Jesus do?

Your Advocate Stands Up For You

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Something completely unexpected. In verse 7, it tells us he straightened up. He stood up. That's who he is. He stood up for the woman caught in adultery, and he will stand up for you. He is your advocate. The same man who wrote the book of John also wrote a letter, 1 John, that says, If anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father. Jesus Christ the righteous one. He says, My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father. Jesus Christ the righteous one, my friend, you have an advocate. You have a lawyer. And he's really, really good at what he does. He is willing to stand up to your beliefs, especially the ones on the inside. He will stand up to the accusations of the enemy. He will stand up to the voice of shame. And most importantly, he will stand up for you in the presence of God the Father. In the final judgment, when all of our sins and all of our works are exposed, in the very, very end, Jesus will stand up for you and say, Every single one of those sins has been paid for. And the receipt is his resurrected body.

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Paid in full.

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And when Jesus stood up for the woman caught in adultery, he looked those spiritual leaders in the eye and he said, Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone. Because here's what Jesus knows about pride and self-righteousness. Even the most seemingly spotless, innocent person has a shadow side. We are all sinners. We are all strugglers. No one is righteous, not even one. The Bible claims that we have all committed adultery on God Himself. Every single one of us. Like an unfaithful bride, we have cheated on him by worshiping other gods. Money, sex, comfort, power, pleasure, even Christian ministry can become a God. When Jesus stood up to those bullies, he knew that every man around that circle was just as deserving of death, if not more, than the woman in the middle. And if we were all judged for our sin, every one of us would have to be killed. As John also said in 1 John chapter 1, if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. So Jesus is exposing the sin of not just the woman caught in adultery, but of the entire circle. And all of us reading this story. And in verse 8, what does he do? Again, he stoops down and writes on the ground notice the posture of Jesus. There are so many lessons we can learn from his gestures. Earlier, when the woman's sexual sin was exposed, I imagine all eyes in the crowd were on her. She must have felt so embarrassed by everyone's attention being on her while Jesus is bending down on the ground looking away, giving her space. Now, as Jesus exposes the sin of all the other men around the circle, he bends down again. He gives them space. What's the lesson?

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He doesn't shame anyone.

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Even the ones who are shaming others. He is so gentle, even in how he confronts the bullies. He doesn't even shame them. He bends down again, lets them realize their sin, walk away. It's unbelievable. And that is how I have experienced Jesus this weekend. A humble, generous invitation to become aware of how my sexual shame is not the only part of me that sins. My inner critic also sins. Both of these parts need his love. The bullies inside of you and the other broken parts that want to sexually sin are all given the gift of God's grace.

Neither Do I Condemn You

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In verse 9 it says, At this those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. The bullies backed away. Perhaps the older ones went first because they were more aware of their sin. In any case, the blame is gone, the shame is gone, and all that's left is Jesus. Verse 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? He stands up, he faces her, he looks into her eyes, he speaks to her with honor and maybe even humor. Like, I look down for a moment. Where'd everybody go?

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Verse 11. Has no one condemned you? No one, sir, she said. She got her voice back. She got her power back.

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Jesus says, Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. Jesus goes from being her lawyer to being her judge, and the verdict is in. For the woman caught in adultery and for every sexual sinner, no matter how serious the harm has been, all charges have been dropped. As Romans 8:1 says, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The case is closed. You are released. You are free to go. The prison door is open. And that is the feeling I get from verse 11. Go now. You're released. Go live your life. Some translations say, go and leave your life of sin. Some say go and sin no more. This is not perfectionism. Jesus is not saying, never make another mistake for the rest of your life. He's also not making a threat. He's not saying, you better change or else. It's more like, my beloved, what you did is not who you are. And you don't have to go back there. It's over. You can start to move on. Go. And in that word go, I see another layer of meaning. Yes, go means let go of adultery and let go of sexual sin. Go also means let go of accusation. Say goodbye to the circle of shame and blame.

Jesus Takes The Place Of Punishment

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That's not where you belong. But if the woman leaves the circle and all the spiritual leaders have stepped away, who is left in the place of punishment? Only Jesus. He said, Let the one who is without sin throw the first stone, knowing that someone would have to die for this sin and every sin. Jesus said, Where are your accusers? Knowing that in just a few days those accusers would be back, putting him on trial. In John 8, Jesus did not deliver punishment, and he also did not do away with punishment. He delayed the death penalty and paid it himself. If you only hear one sentence out of this sermon, I hope it's this one. Jesus Christ stepped into the circle of condemnation so that you could step into the circle of connection. Jesus Christ was shamed and blamed so that you could be unconditionally loved and accepted and embraced. You need to know this. He received the punishment for your specific sexual sin. Not just sin in general, but the particular porn, the exact abuse, the behavior that only you know fully that that's what he died for.

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And to help make that message a little more visceral, I'm gonna wrap it for you.

The Cross And The Cost Of Grace

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This is an excerpt from the song The Cross by Shy Lin.

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You can look it up later if you'd like. This scene can be seen without eyes. The mean shout lies and seen to sound wise as we inch through the crowd. We need to be cautious. There's a Roman execution with men on three crosses, but all the focus is on the one in the center. The gate closes behind you, no one can enter. The sight you behold is so odd you're stunned. The man hanging on the cross is God the Son. Twelve noon pitch black, cause the sunshine's lacking. Your minds can't fathom this divine transaction. As slowly the sound becomes mostly drowned, you realize that you're standing on holy ground. We're now in the realm of the sublime and profound, with God at the helm, it's about to go down. The father's wrath precise will blast and slice the priceless master Christ as a sacrifice. Willingly he's under the curse to be treated as if the sun was the worst scum of the earth. The scene is the craziest. Jesus being treated as if he is the shadiest atheist? How is it the Messiah is in the fiery pit, as if he was a wicked liar with twisted desires? The one who is sinless and just, punished as if he was promiscuous and mischievous with vicious lust, the source of all godly pleasure, tormented as if he was a foul investor or child molester. How could he be bruised? Like he was a goody two shoes who doesn't think that she needs the good news. He's perfect in love and wisdom, but he's suffering as if he constructed this corrupt justice system. We should mourn at the backdrop. Jesus torn like he's on the corner with crack rock and porn on his laptop. What is this kid? His gifts are infinite, but he's hit with licks for religious hypocrites. He's the light, but being treated like he's the CD type who likes to beat his wife, he's treated like a racist, treated like a slanderer, treated like a rapist, or maybe a philanderer. Jesus being penalized like he had sin inside, filled with inner pride while committing genocide. I could rap for a billion years and still can't name all the sins placed on the lamb slain. Every sin you have ever done, every sin you are doing, every sin you ever will do has been completely covered, paid for, and taken away.

Grace That Empowers Real Change

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And that is why Jesus says, go now and leave your life of sin. He's not giving you a second chance. I don't believe he gave the woman in who was caught in adultery a second chance. He is giving you a second reality. A new life defined by unconditional love and acceptance. It's an all expenses paid trip. He took care of the cost. His resurrected body is the receipt. Now, what does that make you want to do? Unconditional love and acceptance not only saves lives, it changes lives. And God's grace is not an excuse to sin, it empowers freedom from sin. One of my favorite songs called Holy Water by We the Kingdom says, I don't want to abuse your grace. God, I need it every day. It's the only thing that ever really makes me want to change. Have you ever wondered what happened to the woman caught in adultery? Did she ever commit adultery again? Did she ever go back to sexual sin? Was she permanently transformed for the rest of her life by this one encounter? We don't know. Because we don't need to know. Whether she did or didn't doesn't change what Jesus said, what Jesus did, and how Jesus feels, and how he relates to every one of us every single time. No condemnation, just invitation.

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I don't condemn you. You're free. Wow.

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Listen to this. As we continue to grow, sometimes we go back to our old ways. When this happens, we realize just how much we need his grace and just how much we have his grace. We get to repeatedly receive the radical reassurance of the risen Lord Jesus, our advocate with the Father. We may get tired of struggling, but he never gets tired of forgiving us. Or rather, reminding us that he has already forgiven us. I invite you to step out of the circle of shame and accusation and into the circle of love and acceptance. He is so good. And in John chapter 8, we see how Jesus is the very best news for any sexual brokenness. And he continues to be that. Now and forever. Because you are God's beloved son. In you he is well pleased.