Welcome to Husband Material

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to the Husband Material podcast , where we help Christian men outgrow porn . Why ? So you can change your brain , heal your heart and save your relationship . My name is Drew Boa and I'm here to show you how let's go . Thank you so much for listening to my interview with Coach Frank Rich , founder of the Rebuilt man , where he helps men quit porn through the power of faith and fitness . We talk about how rebuilding your body helps you rebuild your beliefs a lot faster and also how things like nutrition and gut health can affect how you feel and your energy on a day-to-day basis . So there's so much wisdom in this . It's very complementary to what we do at Husband Material . You're going to hear things that you don't usually hear on this podcast . Enjoy the episode

Frank Rich's Journey & Evolution

Speaker 1 0:52

. I am so excited that we get to hear again from Frank Rich , who was one of the very first guests five years ago when Husband Material was just getting started . Welcome back to the show .

Speaker 2 1:06

Drew , it's honored to be here . Man , and you had to think back five years ago , just a little young man , on this journey that we were both on and it's been really cool and awesome to witness kind of both of our evolutions and excited to kind of circle back , man , and just see where we've grown and hopefully bring something new to the audience here today .

Speaker 1 1:28

Absolutely so . For anyone who is just getting introduced to you and they haven't heard our first episode together , what got you into this work of helping men quit porn and also make huge changes when it comes to fitness and overall freedom ?

Speaker 2 1:46

I think , much like you and your work in ministry with Husband Material , it was birthed out of your own transformation and that was the case for me both in this recovery transformational space . But it goes way deeper back in my life with the fitness stuff . So I grew up an athlete , playing sports at a somewhat moderately high level . But even with that , through my early years and childhood and teenage years I struggled with some insecurities and self-doubt . For anybody that remembers , when JCPenney was around back in the 90s , there was a division within boys wear known as Husky , and it was like not for fat kids but it was for kids that could have fit in the regular pants . And I remember the first time having to be told I had to buy my jeans in the Husky department . It was a blow to a young boy's ego . What does it mean ? I'm not a normal kid , so I had a lot of insecurities as a young boy around my body .

Speaker 2 2:55

One story that I share quite often was I was around 13 years old . I spent the summer with one of my cousins who's about a year older than me , lived in South Florida , so there's a lot of pools , beach stuff . Because he was a year older , he had girls around that were also of that same age and I remember getting made fun of because I wouldn't take my shirt off at the pool . I was around 14 years old . So the next year I begged my mom to get me into the gym and we found a world gym local to where I was going to school at . And that changed my life because I quickly got around some very high level bodybuilders and athletes and they embraced this young boy that was curious to learn , curious about the training and kind of the world of bodybuilding , and they laid a strong foundation for me that if I put in the work I could produce results in the things that I wanted to do . So that was the entry point into fitness , was 15 years old and it stayed with me . When I really got out of high school I really took it to the next level and then , my early 20s , I started competing as a bodybuilder , which a lot of lessons were birthed out of that as well Following plans , laid gratification , hiring mentors , hiring coaches a lot of things that we have now brought into the work that we do with the Rebuilt man . But despite all that , despite being a high-level bodybuilder , despite having discipline and self-control in that area and personal development .

Speaker 2 4:13

I struggled with what most men that are following you struggled with an addiction to pornography , and I don't really know , drew , when the point that I really

Body Transformation & Identity Shift

Speaker 2 4:24

woke up to it being a major issue , because I grew up in a culture , in a time that's a little bit different than the present day . We didn't have social media , we didn't really have streaming Internet , so I was in my 20s , so a lot of the things that I was doing were somewhat normalized . Right , you know , you have a stash of magazines that's kind of shared , you know , throughout the community of boys . It's kind of shared , you know , throughout the community of boys . It's kind of tucked away in the woods somewhere behind a fort . A lot of the things was kind of socially normalized , and there'd be jokes in and around it .

Speaker 2 4:51

In my early 20s , though , is probably when I began to recognize it being a problem . I was working in the wireless industry , and this was like pre iPhone era , like so . The BlackBerry Pearl was the first phone that I can remember having color , high streaming internet , and , much like a smoker would take a smoke break from work , I was a traveling regional sales director that I worked across malls in Southwest Florida . I would take breaks in my workday to go up to the department store bathroom where I knew I could have some private time and watch porn . And that began to kind of like wake me up , that like it's probably isn't normal , like like there's probably not a lot of guys that are sitting in a public restroom in the early two thousands watching porn and masturbating when they should be working , and I was like I really got to start making some changes . You know , maybe the way that I'm living is what's causing me to feel the way that I feel when I'm by myself . Right , I could project that I had everything figured out , could project material success , but behind closed doors it was darkness . It was a lot of anxiety , stress , suicidal ideation you know , many of the things that men that are struggling with mental health issues .

Speaker 2 5:59

In October 22nd of 2018 was the day that I fully surrendered my life to Christ and it kind of began this journey that I've been on for these last almost seven years now . So what we've been able to do , you know , after getting porn out of my life , which came months later , right , I didn't just accept Christ and then was free the next day . Like I had to go through a process of real spiritual transformation and identity transformation . I mean to walk kind of in truth and integrity . But what I was able to do is bring a lot of the success that I had previously in the fitness , in the personal development world and kind of bring it to this space , which I think is something that is unique in this recovery transformation space . It's like the fitness side of things .

Speaker 2 6:43

So we're faith-driven , we speak about identity transformation , but it's really about the rebuilding of a man . So our organization is called the rebuilt man . It's what I believe signifies a death of the old self and then a rebuilding of a new identity . And that rebuilding starts within the body first soul , spirit , mind . But it's aimed at allowing men to walk in freedom . Freedom and understanding that they were created in God's image . Freedom and understanding that there's a uniqueness in who they are , but also freedom in knowing that there's nothing from a vice perspective or an addiction per se that's going to really hold them back from achieving real greatness . So long-winded kind of story there , but a lot of it is rooted kind of in my own stories of transformation and success .

Speaker 1 7:31

That is phenomenal and so needed , at least at Husband Material . We often neglect the role of physical fitness and the body when it comes to recovery , and we'll talk about emotions and trauma and trauma and relationships and fantasies and all that's important , but like what role does fitness play ?

Speaker 2 7:50

I think it's the foundation . I like the language that you use . I like how you were about healing the boy to become the man you know . I think it's very parallel to the message that I share Identity transformation . You know we'll use different verbi to the message that I share Identity transformation . You know we'll use different verbiage , but at the end of the day , we're trying to help these men become the men that God has called them to be .

Speaker 2 8:14

And I believe if you're going to radically transform your identity , one of the quickest tools to start that process is a physical transformation . Tools to start that process is a physical transformation . It's really hard to see yourself as the same person if you're walking around in a new body . And why I think that is so important is you and I both know that some of the mental stuff can take months to really feel and experience . Some of the healing of the heart can take months to really feel and experience . Some of the healing of the heart can take months to really feel and experience . But if you dedicate yourself to a physical transformation , you dial in your nutrition , you start to follow a structured training regimen . Sometimes within days and if not a week or two , you're gonna begin to feel a little bit different . You're gonna see yourself differently and I'm sure you would agree with this .

Speaker 2 9:10

One thing that keeps men stuck in the shame cycle is a lack of self-belief or self-confidence , especially if they've been trying to get this out of their life for a really long time . They have a repeated track record of failures and that begins to shape their identity . I fail at everything , right . I may have success in the corporate world . I may even have success at homes per se , but in accomplishing the things that I want to accomplish , I struggle in building that confidence . When you set goals and you begin to honor those promises around what you put into your body , around what you do with your body , it quickly builds a reputation with yourself that you are the man that does the things that he says he's going to do . And I think that outside of the fitness , physical transformation , I think that becomes to shape a man's mental perspective of who he is . I could follow a plan , I could have self-control around what I put into my body . And the interesting thing , man is , I've had a lot of people on my podcast , a few experts in the area of neuroscience and also food addiction and the pathways that food addiction and porn addiction kind of tug on , like the neural pathways they run parallel .

Speaker 2 10:16

It's firing a lot of the same neural connections . A lot of the reasons why people use food to numb and escape emotions are a lot of the same reasons that men use food to numb and escape emotions are a lot of the same reasons that men use porn to numb and escape emotions . So I think controlling what you put in your mouth is a lot easier than controlling what you do with your penis for a lot of men . But if you could build confidence there you

The Mind-Body Connection in Recovery

Speaker 2 10:38

quickly realize that a lot of this stuff is within your control . So it's obviously it's rooted in . Like I said , you cannot see yourself as the same person if you're walking around in a new body . But it goes deeper into the mental fortitude that's built , the self-confidence , the image and just really helping that man kind of get control in all areas of his life . Very few people that walk around in a peak physique don't take that level of success and have it spill over into other things that they're trying to accomplish .

Speaker 1 11:08

That makes so much sense , and I love it . What are some examples of identity transformation that you're seeing ?

Speaker 2 11:16

So we had a pastor that came to us a few years ago . He had believed , despite leading a congregation , despite having a relationship with God , that he was going to be stuck in this cycle forever . He doesn't believe himself to be a man that could walk in absolute freedom . And Justin participated in a transformational challenge that we ran at one point . It's something we'll do cyclically , where we put groups through what I call a quit porn and get ripped challenge . We'll put some money on the table for the greatest transformation . So we'll take a cohort of guys through not just a recovery transformation , but they're really dedicating themselves to the physical part of things . He won the challenge .

Speaker 2 11:57

So not only did this man get free of porn , began to walk in , you know his God-given identity , got closer to his wife and now is leading his congregation from a much deeper level . He walked away like I don't want to say a rich man , but he walked away with some cash in his pocket , 21 pounds down , began to see muscle definition in his upper body , in his legs , was doing things in the gym that he never accomplished before . But that word belief , man is what really stood out to me . So there was a man , like I said , that had held an identity of somebody that was going to be chained to lust and this addiction for years . It was impacting every area of his life . And now here's a new free man that is leading a ministry , that is leading a family and is walking in real confidence in the way that he presents himself on a daily basis . That's one example man on a daily basis . That's one example man . But I mean , I can tell you , if you go to our Trustpilot page and you see the testimonials , there'll be guys that will share how they stepped into bigger purposes and callings in their business .

Speaker 2 13:05

We work with a lot of executives and entrepreneurs . We have a pro athlete right now that plays in the MLB and he came to me during the off season and this young man is having the season of his career and we're talking probably a multi-figure payday is coming down the pipeline for him and he points it back to just some of the mental disciplines , foundational tools that we were able to help him provide . Because once again , here's somebody that had success right , and I think that's something that I didn't really understand when I first got into this work is how many men out there that are like succeeding in the world , like I thought that I was like something was wrong with me . I thought that I was the only guy out there that struggled with this .

Speaker 2 13:48

But you and I both know it is impacting millions of men . But hearing guys say like I'm a new man , the old me is dead . You know , frank helped unlock a version of me that I never truly felt or believed I could be . I mean , we hear those messages on a daily . But there's just a few prime examples of like real world case examples . I think Justin is one of the most powerful ones .

Speaker 1 14:11

That's so inspiring and , as we talked about when I was on your show recently , like these approaches of your program and my program are really complimentary in many ways , like you're doing stuff that we don't do and it's awesome . One of the things I was really interested in is the impact of gut health . Can you say more about that ?

Speaker 2 14:33

So there was a Greek philosopher

Gut Health's Impact on Brain Function

Speaker 2 14:35

Is it Hippocrates ? Hippocrates , yeah . So he was famously quoted as saying all disease begins in the gut , and I've had a few scientists and doctors on the show now . One in particular was Dr Stephen Gundry , who is a board certified dietitian and nutritionist a board certified dietitian and nutritionist and he confirmed many of what Hippocrates said years ago , that and he used a great analogy that our skin is a mirror reflection of what's happening in our gut . So you know , a lot of people don't think about the impact that our gut has on our energy , our mindset , how we produce thought patterns , how we produce healthy neurotransmitters .

Speaker 2 15:20

For a long time it was said in the world of nutrition and diet science that the gut is the second brain and more and more researchers are leaning towards the fact that it's actually the first brain . So your ability to produce neurotransmitters , which are the neurochemicals or neuromodulators that produce the real feelings and emotions and many of the things that drive us to and from addictions , things like dopamine , serotonin , oxytocin , adrenaline all that starts within the gut . If you don't have a healthy gut , if there's a leak in your gut , which means that just toxins and neurotoxins are spilling into other areas of your body , you can't produce healthy neurotransmitters , it'll be all out of whack . And you know that a big driver of addiction is how well you can regulate and modulate your dopamine pathways . So I knew these things , I think subconsciously for a very long time , because we've had fasting protocols and kind of gut resets in our program since the beginning , back in 2019 . And I started to speak with these experts around 2022 , 2023 , and they were reconfirming many of the things that we were doing from a kind of scientific perspective .

Speaker 2 16:34

So it links back once again to getting control not just of your body , but understanding that your mind , your brain , your body like they're not these separate pieces of you it's all operates synergistically . You see it in young kids , you know , and you even feel it in your own self , like if you go on a sugar binge , like you feel lethargic , you maybe feel brain fog later on that day , or maybe for a series of days . It's not by accident , it's because what you're putting into your mouth that goes into your gut is directly connected to what you're producing within your brain . So there's just kind of a small you know explanation . I , you know .

Speaker 2 17:14

I don't know if you have any follow-up there , but we use , like I said , fasting protocols and we have kind of a gut reset diet that is optional for guys . I can never tell anybody you need to eat this specific way to get free from porn . But if you're coming in and you struggle with brain fog , maybe struggle with energy throughout the day , if you struggle with focus some of that with energy throughout the day , if you struggle with focus , some of that's going to be related to the things that you're doing on a daily basis , but can also be directly correlated and reversed through what you put into your body , both from a food , nutritional perspective , and then there's also kind of some supplements that you can use to kind of help facilitate that process .

Speaker 1 17:54

Yeah , it's mind-blowing . I mean , it sounds like you're dealing with these issues from a very holistic perspective .

Speaker 2 18:00

I would say , yes , you know . I say that the Rebuild man and our program Reboot your Life . You know , if I had to label or categorize it , it's fully integrated , which means it looks at , you know , mind , body , heart , soul . You know the entire identity of a man comes at it through a growth-centric . So it's about building a vision of the future and becoming the man that can walk in freedom through a growth-centric , holistic approach . So , yeah , it definitely is all about the whole body , Because we also know that this addiction or behavior is impacting the whole man .

Speaker 2 18:36

It obviously is a struggle that is rooted in some psychological behavioral principles with deep spiritual implications that directly affect your mental and physical identity that you see yourself . That then leads to impacts within your relationship . So if it's spilling over into every single one of these areas , I believe that the approach needs to be centered around healing or focusing in on improving or transforming all of those areas . You know a lot of therapists will approach it from a CBT cognitive behavioral therapy approach . Well , they're missing the spiritual implications . They're missing , maybe , the relational intimacy approaches .

Speaker 2 19:18

There's a lot of great relationship and intimacy coaches that'll help you in that area . But if they don't address the psychological behavior side of things , then , yeah , you're putting a bandaid on something that's going to have a much deeper wound . There are great church-based organizations that can weigh deeper spiritually than maybe I can speak to . That'll help you kind of heal and grow closer in your relationship with God . But if you aren't addressing the physical side of things and you're just focused on the relationship there , I think you're missing a part there as well . So I think having an approach that comes at it from every single one of these holistical angles I think I just made a word up there is , in my opinion , the only way to truly transform a man's identity .

Speaker 1 20:03

Yeah , I mean , each one of us is kind of like an ecosystem where one part of the system changes , it's like everything else changes , for better or for worse . Yeah , I like how you're acknowledging that all these things are connected , because everything affects our sexuality and our sexuality affects everything Absolutely and taking an approach that would engage their body if someone's interested in this physical

Practical Fitness for Beginners

Speaker 1 20:45

transformation that can help your identity transformation go so much faster .

Speaker 2 20:46

What are some steps to get started ? Well , it's going to depend upon where the person is at right . So maybe , speaking to the person that has never really prioritized health and fitness , I think one thing that is promising , just from a broader perspective , is I think I just saw that they're bringing back the presidential fitness test with schools . This is something I had when I was growing up . Fitness was a part of my childhood . It was normalized through the education system like train , prioritize your health . But I think we have a generation of young men where this hasn't really been addressed . So , speaking to the person that has like , never prioritize and you know whether they look at themselves , they're like I just I don't really have a foundation of muscle that I want to build or I've kind of . On the other end , and I've just put everything that has been in the pantry in my mouth for the last 20 years and I'm carrying around a lot of excess weight . I think that both of those people that are like true beginners . There's a few checkboxes that need to be kind of checked off and they're very simple . You know , obviously there's great information on YouTube chat . Gpt can kind of help you structure these things . There's incredible online coaches , so I'm not going to give a full prescription to somebody out there . But the first thing is getting nutrition under control , and that just nutrition is basic macronutrients . So , starting with a caloric barometer , if you want to build muscle , you need to be eating a caloric surplus . So take your body weight , multiply by 18 to 20 . That's going to give you kind of a benchmark of where your daily calories need to be . If you're somebody that needs to lose weight , take your body weight goal body weight . So if you're , let's say , 240 , you want to get to 200 . So your goal would be 200 . You take that number and multiply it by 10 to 12 . That gives you your daily target . So that's kind of like the base premise of like setting a daily calorie target up . If you want to grow Body weight goal , body weight times 18 to 20 . If you want to lose weight , body weight goal , body weight times 10 to 12 . If you want to maintain your current body weight , multiply it by 14 to 16 . That's going to give you a benchmark calorie marker and calories are going to be the key driver .

Speaker 2 22:47

Now , within the calorie measurement . You have three macronutrients , so protein , carbs and fats and there's different school of thoughts , you know . And fats , and there's different school of thoughts , obviously ketogenic being very heavy fat-based . So 65% to 70% of your calories come from fat . Low-carb you would then be very , very low-carb . Other people prescribe to more of a foundational , simplified approach 40% protein , 40% carbohydrate , 20% fats . So within the calories , you then would determine what your macros would be . But first thing is get your food in check whole foods predominantly , drivers being protein , healthy carbs and healthy fats . So basis there .

Speaker 2 23:28

When it comes to training , if you're just getting started , two to three days of what I would describe as hypertrophy strength based training , I believe if you're training with the goal of physical transformation , which is what we're speaking to here , like making your body aesthetically look better , using what I would call a hypertrophy strength-based approach . So this is training for the goal of building muscle while using progressive weight overload over time . So you want to be building muscles , you want to be training in a rep range of eight to 10 , two to three times per week , and for most people , full body would be the best approach , and there's six core movements that you prescribe into your workout , so you would have a squat , something where your body literally squats up and down . You have a hip hinge where your hips go back , so this would be deadlifts , rdl , something where you're hinging at the hips . You have a push , so you're pushing weight away from you . You have a pull , so you're pulling weight towards you . You have a press where you push weight over your head . You have a lunge , so this would be a movement through space and time . So now you're getting a little bit of unilateral involvement and then you have something where you carry , just picking up loads and carrying it once again through space and time , and those six core foundational movements for an average-based beginner , that is training with the goal of strength hypertrophy will train every muscle within the body to enough of a degree where you could follow that particular program or regimen for probably six to eight months and see incredible results .

Speaker 2 24:55

Now , once you get to more of an intermediate at dance level , then you're kind of tapping into . You know , like , specifically , training biceps , triceps , back . But if you're just getting started , get your nutrition under control . That is going to be the primary driver . You cannot out-train a bad diet , so dial in nutrition and that's where some of the discipline , the mindset , the self-control is really going to carry over and spill over into the other areas of your life and then pick up some heavy weights on a regular basis and challenge yourself , do hard work , prioritize sleep . You know seven hours of good , restorative sleep . And there's hacks there right Cold room blackout curtains , leave your phone and technology out of the bedroom . So prioritize sleep , rest , recovery and move regularly throughout the day . Aim for 10,000 to 12,000 steps on a consistent basis . So , like I said , there's the primary beginner-based checkboxes that most people in today's society they follow that just that prescription I just laid out there for six , eight months would wake up at the end of those six months and not recognize themselves .

Speaker 1 26:01

I believe you Sounds like for most people , it would be helpful to have support while trying to do that .

Speaker 2 26:07

Support , accountability yeah , just like you and I know in this area . That's why our organizations exist , because recovery is not about people not knowing what to do . And the same thing with nutrition and fitness or transforming your body . What did I just say ? Get your food under control , lift weights , work hard . If you'd ask any out of shape person on the street , they probably could articulate most of what I just said . But the reason why they aren't doing it and sometimes is there's just no skin in the game for people . There's no circumstance for them not following through . Some of it is psychology , some of it is self-belief . But yeah , you know the power of community accountability support other people believing in you and you not wanting to let other people down . You know it's interesting , man People care more about what other people think of them than they care about how they view themselves . So having a support , a coach and accountability or a community this is why things like CrossFit exist and have had so much success . This is why you see things like Orange Theory and all these F45s and these group-based training kind of franchises that have popped up over the last five to seven years . Because there's power in community .

Speaker 2 27:18

You talked about it a couple of weeks ago back on my podcast . There's this desire for connection . There's a desire for relationship . We live in a generation that is more connected than it's ever been , while at the same time being disconnected . Men are alone . Men are isolated . Sometimes you got to pay to put something on the line Matthew 26 , 7, . Where your treasures go , your heart will follow . Sometimes you make a small investment into yourself , into a trainer , into a coach , into a training program . Now you're getting some buy-in right . There's a consequence for you not doing anything . You put your hard-earned dollars on the table for you to achieve something and it buys in , sometimes a higher level of commitment and follow-through achieve something and it buys in sometimes a higher level of commitment and follow through .

Speaker 1 28:01

Yeah , I've seen that when I was just starting my program . Occasionally I used to give it away for free and inevitably the guys who got it for free never went through it . There's something really important about paying something so that you really commit

The Power of Peace & Integrity

Speaker 1 28:12

to it .

Speaker 2 28:12

And we even have different layers of coaching that we offer . There's a small group-based kind of low-tiered community which produces great results . It's great connection . But we also have a very expensive , exclusive high-end service and I can tell you , man , the guys that pay the most pay the most attention and they're the ones that go on to become our greatest success stories . There's something when you make that investment .

Speaker 1 28:39

Coach Frank , thank you so much for the work that you do . What is your favorite thing about freedom from porn ?

Speaker 2 28:46

That's a great question , peace . Peace , because I don't know for one if I actually understood it prior to living it , but I for sure know that it wasn't possible without being free . And what I mean by peace man is dude . Building companies are hard man Like . What we do is not easy , right ? Talked about it a couple weeks ago on my podcast . There's sometimes like I want to shake this computer screen and , you know , throw it up against the wall . And there's been many times I've questioned like why am I doing what I'm doing ? I could easily go over into that you know industry and probably make way more money and deal with a lot less stress , but at the end of the day my head hits the pillow . It's been over seven years since I've looked at porn . So peace man , yeah , just peace of knowing that who I am in public is the same man that I am behind closed doors .

Speaker 1 29:57

The peace and integrity being one person instead of two different people .

Speaker 2 30:02

Well , peace is the byproduct of that integrity .

Speaker 1 30:05

Amen , guys , if you want to connect with Frank , we've got all the links to his organization down in the show notes . What's the best way for someone to get started ?

Speaker 2 30:17

If anything I said here today resonated with you and you're like , hey , I kind of organization down in the show notes , what's the best way for someone to get started . If anything I said here today , you know , resonated with you and you're like , hey , I kind of like what Frank said here and you know I'm interested in maybe trying out his approach . But we have a seven day trial . You know , you can , you can join us for seven days . You can get a taste of kind of our approach . I think what makes it unique and different in that first week you'd have an opportunity to connect with the community of men that we have . A part of that seven-day trial would be access to our weekly coaching , and all of this is for free .

Speaker 2 30:44

It's called a seven-day reset . So it's seven days of real , actionable plans to begin to reclaim your identity , rebuild your confidence and rewire your brain

Closing Thoughts & Resources

Speaker 2 30:54

. So you can visit the rebuiltmancom forward slash seven day reset . There's a brief little video that kind of explains everything in there . You know , click the link to join us and , like I said , you get seven days inside of the community and then seven days of action steps . You'll connect with myself and our coaching team in there as well . You know , usually we like to invite you on a call to learn a little bit more about you and make sure that you know you're fit for our community . But if the things that we said here are calling you and maybe some of the things you have tried in the past aren't working , you like to try a different approach that's rooted in these principles that we laid out here . Therebuiltmancom forward slash seven day reset .

Speaker 1 31:32

Awesome , Sounds good . And again , guys , you can see all of that in the links in the show notes . Thanks again .

Speaker 2 31:39

Frank , thank you , drew .

Speaker 1 31:40

And gentlemen , always remember you are God's beloved son . In you he is well-pleased .