Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where we help Christian men outgrow porn. Why? So you can change your brain, heal your heart and save your relationship. My name is Drew Boa and I'm here to show you how let's go. Today we are answering this question how does God really feel about me? I can't think of a better way to spend our time than to reflect on this question. This episode will be a little bit different. It'll be more of a Bible study and at the same time, it will touch some very deep places in your heart. Because what I'm really asking is how does God really feel about me when I watch porn, when I sexually act out, when I relapse, when I wander, when I make mistakes, when I self-sabotage, when I hurt myself and other people In the middle of my sin? How does God really feel about me? And if you're with me, live.

Speaker 1: 1:18

I invite you to answer in the chat Instinctually. What's the first word that comes out? How does God really feel about me? Give me a one-word answer. Three of you answered disappointed. He feels disappointed in me. Others are saying he feels sad, feels saddened. A few of you are saying love. Ryan says I feel like he's mad. Clayton says compassion. The most common answers I'm seeing are disappointed, let down, sad, and yet also love compassion and yet also love compassion. You know, the intellectual answer to this question is often very different than how we feel emotionally. For so many of us, we have been taught again and again that Jesus loves me, again that Jesus loves me, and at the same time, we have had experiences that seem to indicate the opposite. And in terms of how we feel on a daily basis, many of us feel like God is distant, or perhaps that he merely tolerates us, that he's happy with us until we mess up, and then he's not. One of the most common reasons why we often feel like God is anything but loving is because we view him through the lens of our primary caregivers. If you think about your view of God and how he feels about you, oftentimes that's very similar to how your mom feels about you, or very similar to how you feel like your parents related to you. When you were growing up, I remember imagining God as being harsh, as being so focused on my failures, as being so hyper, fixated on me being able to do the right thing. That's not God. That's the lens that I viewed God through. That was given to me by my parents. If you feel like God is inconsistent or unavailable, ask yourself was my dad or my mom inconsistent or unavailable? I love what a Husband Material community member said at our last HMA in a Day conference. He said I need to wipe the face of my parents off the face of God. So many of us are in the process of doing that. If we want to answer the question, how does God really feel about me?

Speaker 1: 4:40

Biblically speaking, the best place to look is at Jesus Christ. According to the Bible, jesus is the image of the invisible God and the exact representation of his being, as Colossians says. Here's what that means. Practically there is no God who is unlike Jesus. Whatever your view of God is, if it's different than who Jesus is, then the God you believe in doesn't exist. The only God who exists is exactly like Jesus. Jesus is the image of the invisible God.

Speaker 1: 5:33

When we look at the life of Jesus, especially in how he responded to people in the middle of sexual brokenness, what do we see? When we look at the woman caught in adultery, we see Jesus coming close to her, accepting her, defending her, forgiving her and commissioning her. When we see the woman at the well, who had five husbands, and the man she's with now is not her husband. Jesus doesn't shy away. He talks to her, he looks into her eyes, he sees her soul and he offers her the gift of himself. For the rich young ruler who thought he was keeping all the rules but eventually rejected Jesus, the text tells us Jesus looked at him and loved him, even when you're walking away from him. Even if you're running away from him, he looks at you and how does he feel? He loves you and Peter.

Speaker 1: 6:58

When Peter denied Jesus three times in a row, how did Jesus respond? He pursued Peter. When Peter went back to fishing, he went back to his old life and he thought I'm done with being a disciple. Jesus went to him, he made him breakfast and he took him back to the exact scene of Peter's betrayal and denial around a charcoal fire, and he restored Peter. He healed his heart. If you want to hear more about that, listen to my episode called how Jesus Reverses the Curse, and I go into depth about the redemption that unfolded. It's amazing.

Speaker 1: 7:37

In this moment, I want you to become aware of the presence of Jesus with you right now and I'll lead you in a prayer to do that. Lord Jesus, we know you're here. Help us become aware of your presence and if you feel comfortable with this, notice Jesus with you in this moment. And if you open up your imagination, look into his eyes, listen to his heart. He sees you, he knows you, he loves you.

Speaker 1: 8:26

Notice the expression on his face and in the chat, let me know. What do you see? How does Jesus feel about you? Micaiah says he smiles. Mark says compassion. Bob says he smiles and laughs and accepts me. Jimmy says his eyes are full of compassion. Clayton says deep love. Doug says peace. Keith says love. Brad says unhindered compassion and lavish love. Doug says peace. Keith says love. Brad says unhindered compassion and lavish love. Another Brad says understanding. Fred says Jesus has got a big smile on his face and he's happy to be with me. This is who God is.

Speaker 1: 9:27

If you want to answer the question, how does God really feel about me, how does Jesus really feel about me? Brings it more tangibly into our perception. Did you notice the difference between the answers to the question how does God really feel about me and how does Jesus feel about me? Guys, whatever God you have, who's different than this doesn't exist and does not deserve your allegiance or your worship. The only God who exists and the only God who is worthy of your heart is this one. Roger says he just loves me. He seems to be happy to have my attention. Kevin says he holds my hand as I cry.

Speaker 1: 10:20

Brad says it feels so fulfilling to think about God in this way and I hope you're starting to feel what I'm feeling in my body, which is a sense of presence, fullness, a deep-seated joy that can handle distress and shame and fear and sexual brokenness. Ryan says he tells me he loves me and isn't upset. I feel relief and peace. Awesome, this is what we needed when we were little boys and this is what we've always needed in relation to our sexuality. So much of what we long for and ache for sexually underneath the urge to watch porn, is this, this secure attachment, this emotional connection.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Keith is saying intellectually, I know what you guys are sharing. Emotionally I just can't sense it. And that's okay. That means that your relationship with God right now is disembodied. It's up here in your head. So much of this journey of healing is to get out of our head, to get into your heart and feel, to get into your lungs and breathe. To get into your lungs and breathe, to get into your gut and to truly allow your body to be loved.

Speaker 1: 11:58

Keith says I'm crying. I'm sitting with you, man, and for all of you who are listening, I'm curious about what's coming up for you. Notice what's happening in your body as we reflect on the face of Jesus. This is one of my favorite podcast topics ever. I could talk about this all day. We'll be enjoying this eternally. This is reality and for some of you, in order to embrace this reality, you need a little bit more scriptural support and theological strength and depth to be able to open yourselves up to this love.

Speaker 1: 12:57

Jimmy says I'm in tears. I feel peace, but my mind is telling me I'm making it up and that's why I'm going to do a little Bible study with you in an attempt to convince you of the truth of how God feels about you, which is what I tell you every week. You are God's beloved son. In you, he is well pleased. I have received many emails over the years asking me is that really true and if so, why do you say that? Where is that coming from? What is the basis of that claim? It's easier for us to accept that we are beloved sons. It's the second part that's more difficult to digest. It's the second part that's more difficult to digest In me. He is well-pleased. Really, that feels like it's going a little too far. Is that really true? Is he really proud of me? Does he really smile when he thinks about me and looks at me and relates to me? That's what I want to talk about. That's what we're going to explore over the next few minutes.

Speaker 1: 14:41

When I was a college student, I had my first girlfriend who broke up with me via email on Christmas morning, 2012. And after that breakup, I spiraled downward into a depression and a season of sexually fantasizing and masturbating much more frequently, in the grief, in the loss. And then that summer, we were camp counselors at the same camp, sleeping in the same building. Our dorm rooms were separated by a thin wall and I could hear her laugh and it was just excruciating.

Speaker 1: 15:26

During that summer, I felt like I was going through the temptation of Jesus, like the temptation was just so strong every day and during that time, god gave to me the same words that he gave to Jesus right before his temptation, right before Matthew, chapter four, when Jesus was tempted we see Matthew, chapter 3, where Jesus was baptized and the voice of the Father says to him this is my beloved Son In him. I am well pleased, my beloved son In him. I am well pleased that truth became my lifeline and I've held onto it ever since. And, more importantly, that truth has held onto me ever since, and that is the identity that Satan calls into question every time he tempts Jesus. He says if you really are the Son of God, do this. If you really are the Son of God, do that. And he says the same thing to us Are you really God's beloved Son? Are you just making that up, son? Are you just making that up? And the accuser is just so good at feeding us lies and questioning the truth of our identity.

Speaker 1: 16:58

Here is the verse that helped me believe that these words are not just for Jesus, but they're for you and I. Not just for Jesus, but they're for you and I. John 15, verse 9,. Jesus says as the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. In other words, if you want to understand how Jesus loves you, look at how God the Father loves Jesus. God the Son. How does he love him? He's proud of him, he delights in him. Jesus says I've had this glory with the Father before the beginning of the world. I mean, this just blew my mind. If you want to know how God feels about you, look at how the Father feels about Jesus. That's how he feels about you and I. That's what Jesus said. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.

Speaker 1: 18:00

The Jesus Storybook Bible talks about God's never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love. Isn't that amazing? Is that really true, that you are God's beloved son and that in you he is well-pleased? I want to prove this to you from scripture, both positionally and personally, and we need both. We need his love positionally to establish us and we need his love personally to emotionally connect with us. Let's start with positionally. Romans, chapter 5, verse 8, says that God demonstrates his own love for us in this. While we were still sinners, christ died for us. So, no matter how much you sin or how much you're going to sin in the future, no matter what you could possibly do to destroy your life and the lives of other people, while we were still sinners, christ died for us. That establishes the first part of this truth, that you are his beloved son. Now what about the well-pleased part? As 1 John 2 says my dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin.

Speaker 1: 19:23

But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, jesus Christ, the righteous one. I want to focus on that word advocate. Picture a courtroom where you are the defendant and you're guilty. You've done wrong, but you have a really, really good lawyer. Jesus is your advocate. He is your lawyer. Your judgment in that courtroom doesn't depend on you. It depends on your advocate, and he can prove by the scars in his body that your sentence has already been paid for and it would be unjust for you to receive it again. In fact, you not only have your own wrongs pardoned and you have not only been declared not guilty. You have been given his track record and his righteousness, so that whatever Jesus has earned through his life now belongs to you. It is right for you to receive the result of Jesus's goodness, and his performance is what counts.

Speaker 1: 20:56

As some have said, when God looks at you, he sees Jesus. I've wrestled with that statement. I've wondered is that really true? In a way, yes and in a way, no. My former pastor in Santa Barbara helped me understand this. In a legal sense, yes, this is true. You are covered by the blood of Jesus and his sacrifice is enough.

Speaker 1: 21:20

But if that's all you have, there can be a sense of like well, I guess God doesn't really love me. He's not really well-pleased with me. He's well-pleased with Jesus and I'm in Jesus, so I guess he has to love me. You know, it's like a sense of obligation or duty, not as much delight, and that's why you need to not only see his love for you positionally, you need to see his love for you personally, because Jesus is not only your lawyer, he's also your lover, and as your lover, yes, he sees you. You are not just covered up and he sees Jesus. Instead, you are uncovered before him. He sees every single part of you. He knows everything about you and he still loves you and he says you are the one that I want, one that I want, and I want to share two passages from the Bible that really beautifully portray his personal love.

Speaker 1: 22:39

The first one is Psalm 103, reflecting on Exodus 34, which is where God declares his name. First time God declares his name to Moses, he says you can call me, I am who I am. Then, later in the life of Moses, when Moses says, show me your glory, he declares his name more fully, and this psalm is all about that. God's name is who he is. If you want to hear more about God's name, check out the book God has a Name by John Mark Comer, and it goes into this beautiful name of God that we get in Exodus 34. Here's Psalm 103, talking about who God is and who we are.

Speaker 1: 23:32

Praise the Lord, my soul, all my inmost being. Praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases. Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed. Like the eagles, the Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel. This is where he says his name.

Speaker 1: 24:19

This is what I want you to focus on. This is the answer to how God really feels about you. The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever. He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities, for as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Speaker 1: 25:16

As a father has compassion on his children. Let's reflect on that a little bit. Let's reflect on that a little bit, as a father has compassion on his children. That's how God really feels about you. If you're a father or you would like to be a father, take a moment to describe how you feel towards your kids, or how you would feel towards your kids if you were a dad, and put it in the chat. How do you feel towards your kids, or how would you feel towards your kids? Bob says I love them and I would do anything for them. Doug says undamageable love, oh so good. Micaiah says compassion. Roger says I would give my life for my kids. That is a little taste of how God feels about you, as a father has compassion on his children. That's what it's saying.

Speaker 1: 26:25

Jimmy says there's nothing my son could do that would separate him from me. Nate says no matter what my kids do, they are always worthy of my love and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Ryan says I would tell them they are amazing and special, right, you are well pleased with them, you are proud of them, and it has nothing to do with their performance. It just has to do with who they are and who you are. You don't need a reason. This is the love that goes beyond the legal position of who we are in Christ. This is the love that goes into the deepest parts of our stories, the deepest parts of our shame, and we need both. We need the positional love of God, we need the personal love of God.

Speaker 1: 27:24

I love these answers to how you feel towards your kids. Fred says totally accepting and loving. Brad says I love them with my entire being, even when they disappoint me. Now think about that for a moment. If that's how you feel, does that change when they run away from you, when they hurt you, when your kids hurt each other, when they make mistakes? Your love doesn't change. Does it? That's how God is with you? Your love doesn't change. Does it? That's how God is with you, except even more? Because if we, as sinful, broken, flaky humans, feel this way, how much more is perfect love going to never give up on you, always desire your good, pursue you no matter what champion you and celebrate you.

Speaker 1: 28:26

You know I love what we read in Psalm 103 just a little while ago. It says that the Lord crowns you with love and compassion. He puts a crown on your head. Love and compassion, he puts a crown on your head. Isn't that a great foreshadowing of you're, my beloved son? You are royalty. You are a son of the most high king. That's who you are, because that's who he is.

Speaker 1: 28:55

And the New Testament paints the same picture. It's not that God is angry and cold in the Old Testament and soft and tender in the New Testament. Those are some categories that we often feel based on how we read the Bible. But there is no God who is unlike Jesus. There is no God who is unlike Jesus, and here's a story that he told in Luke, chapter 15, when some religious leaders thought Jesus is being too soft on all these sinners Because they saw how tender and welcoming he was with the tax collectors and the prostitutes. He was with the tax collectors and the prostitutes, and Jesus told this story not just to show us his love. It is right and good for God to be this way. Sometimes it's called the parable of the prodigal son. More accurately, it's the parable of the two lost sons. My favorite name for this story is the Parable of the Running Father. I'm going to read a section of it for you now, and I invite you to take a deep breath, slow down and receive the word of God From Jesus.

Speaker 1: 30:46

The younger son got together all he had set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. I'm going to pause there. Some of you know what it's like to be that younger son to be running away and feeding on like a pigsty of pornography. You know what it's like to feel so empty and yet so disgusted with yourself at the same time. Listen to what happens next. When he came to his senses he said how many of my father's hired servants have food to spare and here I am starving to death? I will set out and go back to my father and say to him Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants. So he got up and went to his father, and I will pause there again.

Speaker 1: 32:25

The son had prepared a speech. He was trying to get back in the father's good books by becoming a servant. He still did not dare to believe that, after everything he did, he could be treated as a son. And he had very carefully prepared this perfect, presentable speech. And as we're about to read, the father didn't even let him finish the speech because he has no interest in performing or people-pleasing, or God-pleasing, because that entirely misses the point. What I'm about to read is how God really feels about you and me. Listen to this and me, listen to this. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants Quick, bring the best robe and put it on him, put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet, bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found, so they began to celebrate.

Speaker 1: 34:26

This is the father who celebrates you. This is how he feels about you. He's not interested in your performance, he's interested in your presence. He doesn't want something from you, he just wants to be with you. As he says to the older brother later my son, you are always with me and everything I have is yours. And I would add his heart is yours, his delight is yours. His delight is yours. His face is yours, his eyes are yours, his smile is yours. His eternal joy is yours. His protection is yours. His affection is yours. His acceptance is yours. Everything he has is yours. His acceptance is yours. Everything he has is yours. You are God's beloved son. In you. He is well pleased. That's how God really feels about you.

Speaker 1: 35:37

I didn't make this up. This is the Bible, this is the word of God, old Testament and New Testament. Brad says wow, that is all I can say. Clayton says thanks, now I'm crying. Ryan says the phrase saw him stands out. He sees us, yes, and he likes what he sees. Legally he sees Jesus, and everything necessary for our place in this family has already been taken care of, and now that we're in the family, let's enjoy his love. Let's enjoy it, let's delight in it. It's ours, guys, and when we run away it doesn't change that love. It just means we're not taking advantage of it like we could.

Speaker 1: 36:40

Now a few of you guys are crying. I just oh, I don't know what to say. Take a moment to soak in the goodness of God. Simply receive it. This is not about achieving, this is about receiving, and I want to give you a chance to share in the chat with what's standing out to you right now.

Speaker 1: 37:10

Brad says I wrecked my family and myself and when I was far off, he opened his arms and ran to me. And when I was far off, he opened his arms and ran to me. That image of the father running would have required him to pull up his robes. It would have been humiliating, embarrassing in that culture. He's exposing his legs. I mean, that's a big deal. He is willing to go through shame and humiliation to remove our shame and humiliation and replace it with honor and worth and identity. God doesn't just love us because Jesus died on the cross. Jesus died on the cross because God loves us. That's a truth that needs to sink in. That's a truth that needs to sink in. If you're watching this live. We are going to conclude with a video called Inheritance by Graham Cook, because this is just such a great summary of what we've been talking about today. So if you're listening to the recording, go in the show notes in the description and get the link to that video. It's wonderful.

Speaker 1: 38:29

Keith says it's difficult to receive this. Yes, it is difficult to receive this. Roger says what I know and what I feel are two different things. Another way to say that is what I know in my left brain is different than what I feel in my right brain. What I know in my head is different than what I feel in my heart. What I know intellectually is different than what I feel in my body. And in order to feel God's love in our bodies, we need his body, and that is where the body of Christ comes in. To embody his love, we need each other and that is our gift and our strength.

Speaker 1: 39:20

As a community of brothers in Christ, we get to represent God to each other so many times. The way that God chooses to love us is through his body, through his people. For example, when I share the things I'm most ashamed of, that I've never told anyone before and instead of being rejected, I'm accepted and loved. When you are able to be fully yourself and other people delight in you and actually enjoy you, you get a sense in your body of how God feels about you. So it's not just an individual journey of trying to think the right things. It's a relational journey.

Speaker 1: 40:15

So many of us have trouble truly knowing that God's in love with us because we've learned to not trust others, especially our primary caregivers. And as we love one another in this community, as brothers in Christ, we are re-fathering each other and re-presenting the open arms of God. We are embodying his love to each other, and that is so beautiful. Let's continue to do that with curiosity and compassion and courage and connection. There's nothing I would rather do than this with you and with God. So, my friend, he loves you because he loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you. Always remember you are God's beloved son. In you he is delighted, thrilled and overjoyed. He is glad to be with you, no matter what. He is proud of you, not because of what you do or don't do, but because of who he is and in you, just you, exactly as you are. He is well pleased.