Introduction: How God Really Feels About Me

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Welcome to the Husband Material podcast , where we help Christian men outgrow porn . Why ? So you can change your brain , heal your heart and save your relationship . My name is Drew Boa and I'm here to show you how let's go . Today we are answering this question how does God really feel about me ? I can't think of a better way to spend our time than to reflect on this question . This episode will be a little bit different . It'll be more of a Bible study and at the same time , it will touch some very deep places in your heart . Because what I'm really asking is how does God really feel about me when I watch porn , when I sexually act out , when I relapse , when I wander , when I make mistakes , when I self-sabotage , when I hurt myself and other people In the middle of my sin ? How does God really feel about me ? And if you're with me , live .

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I invite you to answer in the chat Instinctually . What's the first word that comes out ? How does God really feel about me ? Give me a one-word answer . Three of you answered disappointed . He feels disappointed in me . Others are saying he feels sad , feels saddened . A few of you are saying love . Ryan says I feel like he's mad . Clayton says compassion . The most common answers I'm seeing are disappointed , let down , sad , and yet also love compassion and yet also love compassion . You know , the intellectual answer to this question is often very different than how we feel emotionally . For so many of us , we have been taught again and again that Jesus loves me , again that Jesus loves me , and at the same time , we have had experiences that seem to indicate the opposite . And in terms of how we feel on a daily basis , many of us feel like God is distant , or perhaps that he merely tolerates us , that he's happy with us until we mess up , and then he's not . One of the most common reasons why we often feel like God is anything but loving is because we view him through the lens of our primary caregivers . If you think about your view of God and how he feels about you , oftentimes that's very similar to how your mom feels about you , or very similar to how you feel like your parents related to you . When you were growing up , I remember imagining God as being harsh , as being so focused on my failures , as being so hyper , fixated on me being able to do the right thing . That's not God . That's the lens that I viewed God through . That was given to me by my parents . If you feel like God is inconsistent or unavailable , ask yourself was my dad or my mom inconsistent or unavailable ? I love what a Husband Material community member said at our last HMA in a Day conference . He said I need to wipe the face of my parents off the face of God . So many of us are in the process of doing that . If we want to answer the question , how does God really feel about me ?

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Biblically speaking , the best place to look is at Jesus Christ . According to the Bible , jesus is the image of the invisible God and the exact representation of his being , as Colossians says . Here's what that means . Practically there is no God who is unlike Jesus . Whatever your view of God is , if it's different than who Jesus is , then the God you believe in doesn't exist . The only God who exists is exactly like Jesus . Jesus is the image of the invisible God .

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When we look at the life of Jesus , especially in how he responded to people in the middle of sexual brokenness , what do we see ? When we look at the woman caught in adultery , we see Jesus coming close to her , accepting her , defending her , forgiving her and commissioning her . When we see the woman at the well , who had five husbands , and the man she's with now is not her husband . Jesus doesn't shy away . He talks to her , he looks into her eyes , he sees her soul and he offers her the gift of himself . For the rich young ruler who thought he was keeping all the rules but eventually rejected Jesus , the text tells us Jesus looked at him and loved him , even when you're walking away from him . Even if you're running away from him , he looks at you and how does he feel ? He loves you and Peter .

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When Peter denied Jesus three times in a row , how did Jesus respond ? He pursued Peter . When Peter went back to fishing , he went back to his old life and he thought I'm done with being a disciple . Jesus went to him , he made him breakfast and he took him back to the exact scene of Peter's betrayal and denial around a charcoal fire , and he restored Peter . He healed his heart . If you want to hear more about that , listen to my episode called how Jesus Reverses the Curse , and I go into depth about the redemption that unfolded . It's amazing .

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In this moment , I want you to become aware of the presence of Jesus with you right now and I'll lead you in a prayer to do that . Lord Jesus , we know you're here . Help us become aware of your presence and if you feel comfortable with this , notice Jesus with you in this moment . And if you open up your imagination , look into his eyes , listen to his heart . He sees you , he knows you , he loves you .

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Notice the expression on his face and in the chat , let me know . What do you see ? How does Jesus feel about you ? Micaiah says he smiles . Mark says compassion . Bob says he smiles and laughs and accepts me . Jimmy says his eyes are full of compassion . Clayton says deep love . Doug says peace . Keith says love . Brad says unhindered compassion and lavish love . Doug says peace . Keith says love . Brad says unhindered compassion and lavish love . Another Brad says understanding . Fred says Jesus has got a big smile on his face and he's happy to be with me . This is who God is .

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If you want to answer the question , how does God really

Our Distorted View of God

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feel about me , how does Jesus really feel about me ? Brings it more tangibly into our perception . Did you notice the difference between the answers to the question how does God really feel about me and how does Jesus feel about me ? Guys , whatever God you have , who's different than this doesn't exist and does not deserve your allegiance or your worship . The only God who exists and the only God who is worthy of your heart is this one . Roger says he just loves me . He seems to be happy to have my attention . Kevin says he holds my hand as I cry .

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Brad says it feels so fulfilling to think about God in this way and I hope you're starting to feel what I'm feeling in my body , which is a sense of presence , fullness , a deep-seated joy that can handle distress and shame and fear and sexual brokenness . Ryan says he tells me he loves me and isn't upset . I feel relief and peace . Awesome , this is what we needed when we were little boys and this is what we've always needed in relation to our sexuality . So much of what we long for and ache for sexually underneath the urge to watch porn , is this , this secure attachment , this emotional connection .

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Keith is saying intellectually , I know what you guys are sharing . Emotionally I just can't sense it . And that's okay . That means that your relationship with God right now is disembodied . It's up here in your head . So much of this journey of healing is to get out of our head , to get into your heart and feel , to get into your lungs and breathe . To get into your lungs and breathe , to get into your gut and to truly allow your body to be loved .

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Keith says I'm crying . I'm sitting with you , man , and for all of you who are listening , I'm curious about what's coming up for you . Notice what's happening in your body as we reflect on the face of Jesus . This is one of my favorite podcast topics ever . I could talk about this all day . We'll be enjoying this eternally . This is reality and for some of you , in order to embrace this reality , you need a little bit more scriptural support and theological strength and depth to be able to open yourselves up to this love .

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Jimmy says I'm in tears . I feel peace , but my mind is telling me I'm making it up and that's why I'm going to do a little Bible study with you in an attempt to convince you of the truth of how God feels about you , which is what I tell you every week . You are God's beloved son . In you , he is well pleased . I have received many emails over the years asking me is that really true and if so , why do you say that ? Where is that coming from ? What is the basis of that claim ? It's easier for us to accept that we are beloved sons . It's the second part that's more difficult to digest . It's the second part that's more difficult to digest In me . He is well-pleased . Really , that feels like it's going a little too far . Is that really true ? Is he really proud of me ? Does he really smile when he thinks about me and looks at me and relates to me ? That's what I want to talk about . That's what we're going to explore over the next few minutes .

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When I was a college student , I had my first girlfriend who broke up with me via email on Christmas morning , 2012 . And after that breakup ,

Jesus: The True Image of God

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I spiraled downward into a depression and a season of sexually fantasizing and masturbating much more frequently , in the grief , in the loss . And then that summer , we were camp counselors at the same camp , sleeping in the same building . Our dorm rooms were separated by a thin wall and I could hear her laugh and it was just excruciating .

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During that summer , I felt like I was going through the temptation of Jesus , like the temptation was just so strong every day and during that time , god gave to me the same words that he gave to Jesus right before his temptation , right before Matthew , chapter four , when Jesus was tempted we see Matthew , chapter 3 , where Jesus was baptized and the voice of the Father says to him this is my beloved Son In him . I am well pleased , my beloved son In him . I am well pleased that truth became my lifeline and I've held onto it ever since . And , more importantly , that truth has held onto me ever since , and that is the identity that Satan calls into question every time he tempts Jesus . He says if you really are the Son of God , do this . If you really are the Son of God , do that . And he says the same thing to us Are you really God's beloved Son ? Are you just making that up , son ? Are you just making that up ? And the accuser is just so good at feeding us lies and questioning the truth of our identity .

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Here is the verse that helped me believe that these words are not just for Jesus , but they're for you and I . Not just for Jesus , but they're for you and I . John 15 , verse 9, . Jesus says as the Father has loved me , so have I loved you . In other words , if you want to understand how Jesus loves you , look at how God the Father loves Jesus . God the Son . How does he love him ? He's proud of him , he delights in him . Jesus says I've had this glory with the Father before the beginning of the world . I mean , this just blew my mind . If you want to know how God feels about you , look at how the Father feels about Jesus . That's how he feels about you and I . That's what Jesus said . As the Father has loved me , so have I loved you .

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The Jesus Storybook Bible talks about God's never stopping , never giving up , unbreaking , always and forever love . Isn't that amazing ? Is that really true , that you are God's beloved son and that in you he is well-pleased ? I want to prove this to you from scripture , both positionally and personally , and we need both . We need his love positionally to establish us and we need his love personally to emotionally connect with us . Let's start with positionally . Romans , chapter 5 , verse 8 , says that God demonstrates his own love for us in this . While we were still sinners , christ died for us . So , no matter how much you sin or how much you're going to sin in the future , no matter what you could possibly do to destroy your life and the lives of other people , while we were still sinners , christ died for us . That establishes the first part of this truth , that you are his beloved son . Now what about the well-pleased part ? As 1 John 2 says my dear children , I write this to you so that you will not sin .

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But if anyone does sin , we have an advocate with the Father , jesus Christ , the righteous one . I want to focus on that word advocate . Picture a courtroom where you are the defendant and you're guilty . You've done wrong , but you have a really , really good lawyer . Jesus is your advocate . He is your lawyer . Your judgment in that courtroom doesn't depend on you . It depends on your advocate , and he can prove by the scars in his body that your sentence has already been paid for and it would be unjust for you to receive it again . In fact , you not only have your own wrongs pardoned and you have not only been declared not guilty . You have been given

Becoming Aware of Jesus' Presence

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his track record and his righteousness , so that whatever Jesus has earned through his life now belongs to you . It is right for you to receive the result of Jesus's goodness , and his performance is what counts .

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As some have said , when God looks at you , he sees Jesus . I've wrestled with that statement . I've wondered is that really true ? In a way , yes and in a way , no . My former pastor in Santa Barbara helped me understand this . In a legal sense , yes , this is true . You are covered by the blood of Jesus and his sacrifice is enough .

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But if that's all you have , there can be a sense of like well , I guess God doesn't really love me . He's not really well-pleased with me . He's well-pleased with Jesus and I'm in Jesus , so I guess he has to love me . You know , it's like a sense of obligation or duty , not as much delight , and that's why you need to not only see his love for you positionally , you need to see his love for you personally , because Jesus is not only your lawyer , he's also your lover , and as your lover , yes , he sees you . You are not just covered up and he sees Jesus . Instead , you are uncovered before him . He sees every single part of you . He knows everything about you and he still loves you and he says you are the one that I want , one that I want , and I want to share two passages from the Bible that really beautifully portray his personal love .

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The first one is Psalm 103 , reflecting on Exodus 34 , which is where God declares his name . First time God declares his name to Moses , he says you can call me , I am who I am . Then , later in the life of Moses , when Moses says , show me your glory , he declares his name more fully , and this psalm is all about that . God's name is who he is . If you want to hear more about God's name , check out the book God has a Name by John Mark Comer , and it goes into this beautiful name of God that we get in Exodus 34 . Here's Psalm 103 , talking about who God is and who we are .

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Praise the Lord , my soul , all my inmost being . Praise his holy name . Praise the Lord , my soul , and forget not all his benefits . Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases . Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion . Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed . Like the eagles , the Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed . He made known his ways to Moses , his deeds to the people of Israel . This is where he says his name .

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This is what I want you to focus on . This is the answer to how God really feels about you . The Lord is compassionate and gracious , slow to anger , abounding in love . He will not always accuse , nor will he harbor his anger forever . He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities ,

From Head Knowledge to Heart Experience

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for as high as the heavens are above the earth , so great is his love for those who fear him . As far as the east is from the west , so far has he removed our transgressions from us .

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As a father has compassion on his children . Let's reflect on that a little bit . Let's reflect on that a little bit , as a father has compassion on his children . That's how God really feels about you . If you're a father or you would like to be a father , take a moment to describe how you feel towards your kids , or how you would feel towards your kids if you were a dad , and put it in the chat . How do you feel towards your kids , or how would you feel towards your kids ? Bob says I love them and I would do anything for them . Doug says undamageable love , oh so good . Micaiah says compassion . Roger says I would give my life for my kids . That is a little taste of how God feels about you , as a father has compassion on his children . That's what it's saying .

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Jimmy says there's nothing my son could do that would separate him from me . Nate says no matter what my kids do , they are always worthy of my love and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them . Ryan says I would tell them they are amazing and special , right , you are well pleased with them , you are proud of them , and it has nothing to do with their performance . It just has to do with who they are and who you are . You don't need a reason . This is the love that goes beyond the legal position of who we are in Christ . This is the love that goes into the deepest parts of our stories , the deepest parts of our shame , and we need both . We need the positional love of God , we need the personal love of God .

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I love these answers to how you feel towards your kids . Fred says totally accepting and loving . Brad says I love them with my entire being , even when they disappoint me . Now think about that for a moment . If that's how you feel , does that change when they run away from you , when they hurt you , when your kids hurt each other , when they make mistakes ? Your love doesn't change . Does it ? That's how God is with you ? Your love doesn't change . Does it ? That's how God is with you , except even more ? Because if we , as sinful , broken , flaky humans , feel this way , how much more is perfect love going to never give up on you , always desire your good , pursue you no matter what champion you and celebrate you .

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You know I love what we read in Psalm 103 just a little while ago . It says that the Lord crowns you with love and compassion . He puts a crown on your head . Love and compassion , he puts a crown on your head . Isn't that a great foreshadowing of you're , my beloved son ? You are royalty . You are a son of the most high king . That's who you are , because that's who he is .

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And the New Testament paints the same picture . It's not that God is angry and cold in the Old Testament and soft and tender in the New Testament . Those are some categories that we often feel based on how we read the Bible . But there is no God who is unlike Jesus . There is no

The Father's Love: Positional and Personal

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God who is unlike Jesus , and here's a story that he told in Luke , chapter 15 , when some religious leaders thought Jesus is being too soft on all these sinners Because they saw how tender and welcoming he was with the tax collectors and the prostitutes . He was with the tax collectors and the prostitutes , and Jesus told this story not just to show us his love . It is right and good for God to be this way . Sometimes it's called the parable of the prodigal son . More accurately , it's the parable of the two lost sons . My favorite name for this story is the Parable of the Running Father . I'm going to read a section of it for you now , and I invite you to take a deep breath , slow down and receive the word of God From Jesus .

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The younger son got together all he had set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living . After he had spent everything , there was a severe famine in that whole country and he began to be in need . So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country who sent him to his fields to feed pigs . He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating , but no one gave him anything . I'm going to pause there . Some of you know what it's like to be that younger son to be running away and feeding on like a pigsty of pornography . You know what it's like to feel so empty and yet so disgusted with yourself at the same time . Listen to what happens next . When he came to his senses he said how many of my father's hired servants have food to spare and here I am starving to death ? I will set out and go back to my father and say to him Father , I have sinned against heaven and against you . I am no longer worthy to be called your son . Make me like one of your hired servants . So he got up and went to his father , and I will pause there again .

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The son had prepared a speech . He was trying to get back in the father's good books by becoming a servant . He still did not dare to believe that , after everything he did , he could be treated as a son . And he had very carefully prepared this perfect , presentable speech . And as we're about to read , the father didn't even let him finish the speech because he has no interest in performing or people-pleasing , or God-pleasing , because that entirely misses the point . What I'm about to read is how God really feels about you and me . Listen to this and me , listen to this . But while he was still a long way off , his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him . He ran to his son , threw his arms around him and kissed him , threw his arms around him and kissed him . The son said to him Father , I have sinned against heaven and against you . I am no longer worthy to be called your son . But the father said to his servants Quick , bring the best robe and put it on him , put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet , bring the fattened calf and kill it . Let's have a feast and celebrate , for this son of mine was dead and is alive again . He was lost and is found , so they began to celebrate .

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This is the father who celebrates you . This is how he feels about you . He's not interested in your performance , he's interested in your presence . He doesn't want something from you , he just wants to be with you . As he says to the older brother later my son , you are always with me and everything I have is yours . And I would add his heart is yours , his delight is yours . His delight is yours . His face is yours , his eyes are yours , his smile is yours . His eternal joy is yours . His protection is yours . His affection is yours . His acceptance is yours . Everything he has is yours . His acceptance is yours . Everything he has is yours . You are God's beloved son . In you . He is well pleased . That's how God really feels about

A Father's Compassion for His Children

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you .

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I didn't make this up . This is the Bible , this is the word of God , old Testament and New Testament . Brad says wow , that is all I can say . Clayton says thanks , now I'm crying . Ryan says the phrase saw him stands out . He sees us , yes , and he likes what he sees . Legally he sees Jesus , and everything necessary for our place in this family has already been taken care of , and now that we're in the family , let's enjoy his love . Let's enjoy it , let's delight in it . It's ours , guys , and when we run away it doesn't change that love . It just means we're not taking advantage of it like we could .

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Now a few of you guys are crying . I just oh , I don't know what to say . Take a moment to soak in the goodness of God . Simply receive it . This is not about achieving , this is about receiving , and I want to give you a chance to share in the chat with what's standing out to you right now .

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Brad says I wrecked my family and myself and when I was far off , he opened his arms and ran to me . And when I was far off , he opened his arms and ran to me . That image of the father running would have required him to pull up his robes . It would have been humiliating , embarrassing in that culture . He's exposing his legs . I mean , that's a big deal . He is willing to go through shame and humiliation to remove our shame and humiliation and replace it with honor and worth and identity . God doesn't just love us because Jesus died on the cross . Jesus died on the cross because God loves us . That's a truth that needs to sink in . That's a truth that needs to sink in . If you're watching this live . We are going to conclude with a video called Inheritance by Graham Cook , because this is just such a great summary of what we've been talking about today . So if you're listening to the recording , go in the show notes in the description and get the link to that video . It's wonderful .

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Keith says it's difficult to receive this . Yes , it is difficult to receive this . Roger says what I know and what I feel are two different things . Another way to say that is what I know in my left brain is different than what I feel in my right brain . What I know in my head is different than what I feel in my heart . What I know intellectually is different than what I feel in my body . And in order to feel God's love in our bodies , we need his body , and that is where the body of Christ comes in . To embody his love , we need each other and that is our gift and our strength .

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As a community of brothers in Christ ,

The Parable of the Running Father

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we get to represent God to each other so many times . The way that God chooses to love us is through his body , through his people . For example , when I share the things I'm most ashamed of , that I've never told anyone before and instead of being rejected , I'm accepted and loved . When you are able to be fully yourself and other people delight in you and actually enjoy you , you get a sense in your body of how God feels about you . So it's not just an individual journey of trying to think the right things . It's a relational journey .

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So many of us have trouble truly knowing that God's in love with us because we've learned to not trust others , especially our primary caregivers . And as we love one another in this community , as brothers in Christ , we are re-fathering each other and re-presenting the open arms of God . We are embodying his love to each other , and that is so beautiful . Let's continue to do that with curiosity and compassion and courage and connection . There's nothing I would rather do than this with you and with God . So , my friend , he loves you because he loves you , because he loves you , because he loves you , because he loves you . Always remember you are God's beloved son . In you he is delighted , thrilled and overjoyed . He is glad to be with you , no matter what . He is proud of you , not because of what you do or don't do , but because of who he is and in you , just you , exactly as you are . He is well pleased .