Healing Through Art

Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to the Husband Material podcast , where we help Christian men outgrow porn . Why ? So you can change your brain , heal your heart and save your relationship . My name is Drew Boa and I'm here to show you how let's go . Hey , man , On today's episode , Experience Healing Through Art .

Speaker 1 0:24

You will get to witness an entire session of Meaningful Mondays the HMA coaching call which is all about healing through story work coupled with artwork that is created live during the session . So you're going to see an incredible transformation . That happened for me , as Philip Leitch and John Kilmer created a space for me to encounter Jesus and experience integration in a new way . This was incredibly healing for me . I hope you get some healing , too , out of just witnessing this , and that it will inspire you to move forward with greater creativity and to see the power of art for yourself . Enjoy the episode . Welcome to Meaningful Monday with John Kilmer and Philip Leitch . This is a very unique opportunity to get an inside look into HMA Husband Material Academy , where we are trying some wonderful new approaches to healing . This one involves art and story work together . John and Philip , thank you so much for being willing to do this .

Speaker 2 1:36

Oh , I am thrilled to be here . Drew , thank you for having us . The amazing way that the Lord creates something unique and new and visual with the man's story , as Philip does his amazing art to display that in real time is really incredible .

Speaker 1 1:58

Philip , why are you so passionate about this work ?

Speaker 3 2:01

Because it's an opportunity for me to work on relational skills and maturity , which are components of me being free from unwanted sexual behavior that I was not aware of For many years . I faced it just as a biblical spiritual problem and through you and through John , I have learned that it's behavioral , developmental , relational . It does have deep spiritual ramifications , but I need personally to learn skills that I didn't have before in interacting with other men and women . So this was a avenue that I had entered into over 20 years ago as a method for evangelism and I was super excited because it literally drew me in to watch somebody draw . I was pulled into a story and the story stuck with me and the images stayed in my mind and I could go back to it and remember it and I thought what an excellent way to share the gospel .

Speaker 3 2:59

Over the years that I used this as a tool , my greatest sadness was feeling like it was often only received mostly as entertainment or give us a wow . So you come to our event and have this be something that draws a crowd and , yeah , there's value in that . But my heart was what have I given people when they leave ? What will actually change their lives ? And so now , to be given this privilege of actually doing story work with this art form is actually a dream come true . To use art as a way to help people heal and help them get a vision from Jesus of what he might be anticipating for their future that will give them hope and strength to move forward .

Speaker 1 3:47

Wow , I love that so much .

Speaker 2 3:50

I just wanted to say as well you talk so much about the importance of being embodied not just thinking about our issues up here with a separation between the head and the heart , but actually sinking into the embodiment of it , and that can be really challenging and difficult for those of us who have had trauma in our background . What this sort of an artwork does is it gives the body permission to actually feel , because my eyes are seeing it on the screen in real life and I'm like , yeah , wow , that is how I feel in this moment , and so it's a whole new way of being embodied which happens like in real time . It's so cool .

Speaker 1 4:40

Amen , Philip . Can you tell us more about what we will be doing ?

Speaker 3 4:46

Yeah . So as the participant in this case you drew shares your story , I will be highlighting certain words and images that I visualize as I listen to you , and I will be drawing those with big hunks of lectures . Each chalk it's kind of a soft , creamy , buttery texture . It's a little softer than your ordinary sidewalk chalk and I will be drawing on a piece of fabric that's been stretched really tight so that black border is actually a canvas . It's a wooden frame with a bed sheet that's been stretched really tight , with black plastic behind it to keep the dust of the chalk from pressing on through , and so it creates kind of a smooth , velvety surface for me to draw on .

Speaker 1 5:34

So , guys , if you are just listening to the podcast , you're probably going to be a little confused and I would recommend watching the video , which you can find at husbandmaterialcom slash blog or on our YouTube channel , to really get a sense of what unfolds here . For those who are watching the video , philip , what is that triangle up in the corner ?

Speaker 3 5:56

That's what I'm calling the curiosity corner , and I've learned from John and from you , drew , and from husbandmaterial the value of curiosity , of being very curious about parts of our story , and so that is a space that I just marked it off with tape so that I don't draw in that corner until after we've had time to enter into your story , and then we'll pause and listen together and then we'll move into that space . So it's a way to build anticipation but also to keep me leaving that space open for the good things that are to come Awesome .

Speaker 1 6:33

So now I get to be in the hot seat , as we call it . John , can you walk me through this process ?

Speaker 2 6:41

I would be glad to .

Speaker 2 6:42

Drew , thanks for trusting us in this process and thank you for sitting in the hot seat .

Speaker 2 6:48

I know that's not easy , so I invite you to bring a story of difficulty into this moment .

Speaker 2 6:57

That can be anything .

Speaker 2 6:58

That can be something from your current life although we know stories of difficulty in our current life often reflect something from our past so I may invite you to go back there and it can be something from your past , too that still seems to be affecting you , bothering you in some way , and so that's where we begin is story of difficulty . So I'd invite you , drew , right now , just to close your eyes and take a couple of deep belly breaths , as you have taught us all so well , and Phillip and I are going to breathe with you and we're just going to invite the Lord into this . Jesus , thank you for Drew , ask you now that you would fill him with insight , intuition , courage , strength as you bring up the story of difficulty that you don't need to be worked on in this moment , in the here and now , and I pray that you would bless Phillip and his art , bless his hands , his intellect , his skill as he brings to life Drew's story of difficulty , and we invite your healing presence even now into it In your name Jesus amen .

Speaker 1 8:27

Over the recent winter holiday , I visited my parents at their new house in Alabama . It's a very large house , the largest they've ever had and that night I realized I was triggered and I asked myself when have I felt this way before ?

Speaker 2 8:56

Yes .

Speaker 1 8:58

It took me right back to in , 13 years old , moving from Toronto , ontario , canada , to Dallas , texas , into a huge house bigger than anywhere we'd ever lived , and that was the most difficult experience of my life losing my world , everything I knew , and the house , although it was long-juriously large , was so empty and it felt like our family was so spread out and we were all in our separate worlds . And that is where my attachment to porn really began . Wow , big , empty , lonely space .

Speaker 2 9:59

Wow , drew , I am really feeling that , and you moved around a lot as a kiddo , but my guess is this particular move was like one of the most difficult ones for you .

Speaker 1 10:14

By far the most difficult , because I was leaving the place where I finally felt like I belonged . Toronto is a very multicultural city , and so for me to be a multicultural kid was actually normal there , and it was my family's culture . My whole dad's family was from Canada . I was at this all-boy school , which was perfect for me , and I was just getting to know the opposite sex , just beginning to have some positive experiences with girls , and right then my development emotionally , sexually , relationally , all came to a screeching halt and real relationships with people having fun was all replaced with hours at my computer , hours in front of the TV , hours of video games , hours of just wanting to escape my life .

Speaker 1 11:20

And for anyone who's seen the movie Inside Out , I resonated with that movie so much . I mean , it's about this tween girl who moves from Minnesota to California . She loses her whole culture , her friends , and I was like that was me . That was totally my same experience of being displaced , dislocated , disconnected , all alone .

Discovering and Healing Childhood Trauma

Speaker 1 11:53

And here's the bit that I'm now realizing for the first time . I was really depressed , and if I didn't have the computer and I didn't have those video games and if I didn't have the sexual stimulation , I wouldn't have been able to save my life . I really would have . I don't even know .

Speaker 2 12:20

And so those things need to be honored , right ? They somehow kept you surviving . Yeah , what are you feeling as you're observing this artwork happening in real time ?

Speaker 1 12:41

It's kind of a stirring in my center , right in my stomach . It's tight , it's kind of jittery . Frankly , I feel like a sense of danger . Yeah yeah , alarm yeah .

Speaker 1 13:04

Nothing to prepare you for this move , just boom , huge empty house and my parents broke the news to me while I was strapped at the back seat of our car and I really felt like that , strapped and trapped , and I never had a voice or a choice in this whole process . They just told us we were moving . Also , there was an aspect of spiritualizing the move as well and like this is what God wants for our family . This is the right thing for us . Look , we have such a great life , look at how big our house is , look at the neighborhood we're in . And so it was like all , very much like a toxic positivity .

Speaker 2 13:53

Yeah , totally , totally , and so no room for anything . But oh , isn't this wonderful .

Speaker 1 14:03

Yeah , like you know , you should trust God , which is so true . And yet there was no space for sadness , anger , and I didn't even know . I was depressed . I knew that , I really hated it . I was like crying myself to sleep every night .

Speaker 2 14:31

But yeah , strapped and trapped .

Speaker 1 14:37

Oh my gosh when I see that . Oh my gosh , I just realized that this is the seat belt . Oh , that makes me hard . Yes , yes .

Speaker 2 14:46

So powerless , like so powerless , no agency , no sense of choice . Yeah , andrew , I am so sorry . My 13 year old self is really really resonating and feeling . Feeling that with you as I'm looking at this world that you have moved around in and you felt so free , spacious , good , strong and in your all boys school Up there in Canada and really solid in your friendships and starting to curiously peek out at girls , notice them and to have all of that stop . It's like this . It's like a semi truck hit you man . It just like stopped . Yeah .

Speaker 2 15:50

Oh what are you feeling right now , as you see what's going on ?

Speaker 1 15:55

I see me .

Speaker 2 15:59

You're behind that seat belt now yeah .

Speaker 1 16:03

And I'm in the computer . I mean , that is so so true , but this is the face that was never allowed to exist .

Speaker 2 16:19

Yeah , you couldn't be sad , you couldn't be mad , especially when it was it had the God veneer on it , right Like if this is God's will , then I can't feel anything but positivity . I guess surrendered . Yeah , that's really challenging .

Speaker 1 16:44

That's me .

Speaker 2 16:47

What would that boy say , now he's giving voice he says thank you for seeing me .

Speaker 1 16:58

I really hate this .

Speaker 2 17:01

Yeah , we witness you , young Drew . I see your sadness and your anger and it's welcome here .

Speaker 1 17:15

I see his hand reaching out and I feel like he's inviting me to take his hand . Yeah , and reaching through , holding his hand .

Speaker 2 17:33

I hate this . Here you are reaching through yeah , holding his hand . Yeah , he's not alone .

Speaker 3 18:31

What are you feeling right now ?

Speaker 1 18:32

I see Philip transforming disconnect to connect .

Speaker 2 18:38

Yeah .

Speaker 1 18:39

Seeing my hand holding his hand . No one ever reached through like this before .

Speaker 2 18:53

It's profound and you're doing it right now . He's been waiting for this for so long .

Speaker 1 19:03

Yeah , I'm not letting go .

Speaker 2 19:07

No , no , he needs you .

Speaker 1 19:12

Yeah , I'm not going anywhere .

Speaker 2 19:15

What do you think he's feeling as you tell him that ?

Speaker 1 19:18

He's probably feeling some distrust .

Speaker 2 19:20

Yeah , yeah , because distrust , because .

Speaker 1 19:26

The first thing that comes to mind is mom and dad told me we're not going anywhere for four to five years and then we moved after three years . Yikes , I never forgot that . I never forgot when we moved to Canada and we were talking at the border with the customs people and they said , how long are you planning to stay here ? And I was under the impression that we'd be staying there longer . And they said , oh , two to three years . And I was like what ? I was like ? No , we just got to tell the customs people , no , but that was the truth .

Speaker 1 20:08

And they lied to me , and so I guess he's feeling a sense of distrust and betrayal , and you know , yeah , yeah , absolutely . But I'm still holding on .

Speaker 2 20:23

I see that you get so clearly and you have such a strong arm connecting to young Drew . My goodness , as you're looking at all these words on the screen strapped . I hate this alone . Yeah , trapped , distrust , betrayal which one of those words feels like , or phrases feels like it's , it's so part of your story to this day .

Speaker 1 21:06

That was a very challenging question . Alone Stands out a lot .

Speaker 3 21:17

Yeah .

Speaker 1 21:18

Yeah , it's really the inner aloneness more than the outer aloneness .

Speaker 2 21:24

Yeah , tell me more about how you would describe the difference between those two .

Speaker 1 21:28

Well , nobody knew this , drew . Nobody spent time with this version of me or these parts of me , right ? And so these painful , difficult feelings were all alone and unknown to really anyone except me and , I suppose , jesus . The other one that stands out is distrust , and part of that's probably because I have had trouble believing that people can handle these emotions . If I'm fully , brutally honest , am I going to be held or am I going to be treated with this spiritual or avoidant or solutions focused kind of conversation ?

Speaker 2 22:34

No kidding with me , right ? Spiritual platitudes ? Oh , you just need to read the Bible and pray more . Yeah , yeah , challenging , yeah it is incredible right now by the way , so struck Drew by how you're here and you're distrust is like if I'm really brutally honest , will I be held ? Yes , and you're holding on to him .

Speaker 1 23:07

I'm still holding on , man , my arm is starting to get sore .

Speaker 2 23:10

I'm not letting go , no , no , and so you are being held in this moment .

Speaker 3 23:18

Oh yeah .

Speaker 1 23:24

Yeah , maybe that's why I brought tears to my eyes . I also realized , John , just how much of my trust you have earned as well .

Speaker 2 23:34

That is very profound to me , thank you . Thank you for trusting both Philip and I in this process . It is not easy , yeah . So what does young Drew need ? He needs to be held , he needs to be attuned to .

Speaker 1 23:56

Yeah , he feels some relief just hearing that .

Speaker 2 24:04

Yeah , he needs to be acknowledged . Those emotions needs to be seen , felt . Oh , I see his face change . I feel this change in my body .

Speaker 1 24:25

Yeah , yeah , oh man .

Speaker 2 24:38

Oh , and he's such a lovable Young dude at 13 year old , drew . Yeah , so sorry , drew , that he did not have agency , that he had no choice , that he was so strapped and trapped yeah , he'd never , deserved that .

Speaker 1 25:08

I sense him trusting me and giving me permission to put my arm down .

Speaker 2 25:17

Yes , yes , because you told him that you weren't going away .

Speaker 1 25:23

And these are the nail marks of yeah , I was holding on to his hand Love it ?

Speaker 3 25:32

No I get this since Drew is .

Speaker 2 25:37

I'm observing young Drew there behind the seatbelt . Seatbelt is very disturbing to me too . I want you to know I'm getting this . I can breathe , he can breathe now , and somehow I love what Phillip did with the word disconnect . Yeah , focused on the connect , because that's exactly what you've been doing with young Drew in this , in this imagery , and he can breathe . It's like there's room , there's room for him , there's room for all those emotions .

Speaker 1 26:26

Look at that . Wow , he's okay , even without my hand there . He's feeling more secure .

Speaker 2 26:40

He's going to be okay .

Speaker 1 26:42

Yeah .

Speaker 2 26:42

He's going to be okay , and I just see this . You know like somehow earlier on , all those words like really felt like they were like I don't know super imposed over him and it's like I see him popping out of those words , like coming forward from them .

Speaker 1 27:00

Oh , my goodness , what is happening now ? Oh wow , the seatbelt says secure now .

Speaker 2 27:15

Yeah , what does that seatbelt feel like to you now ?

Speaker 1 27:18

It feels very comforting , but it's not the typical car seatbelt . It's like furry and comfortable .

Speaker 2 27:27

Oh yeah , I love that . Yeah , one of the beautiful things about chalk art is how it's ever flowing and changing under baptism . Yeah yeah , as our story unfolds , the art follows . What else is coming up for you , drew ?

Speaker 1 28:06

Well , now I see him being held in a different way , not being trapped , strapped , but secure and comforted . I'm so curious about what's going to come into that corner .

Speaker 2 28:30

The curiosity corner . What the three of us are going to do in a few minutes here is wait on the Lord and invite Christ in and spend just a short time of silence as we all look at this artwork together and invite Jesus in to this picture and into young Drew's life and ask him to inform this imagery . You ready to do that ?

Speaker 3 29:10

Yeah , great .

Speaker 2 29:17

So , jesus , we invite you in , we ask you to come deep into this story of difficulty on behalf of our brother Drew , and to create your change , bringing your radiance , your love , your healing , in a way that you know would best speak to his heart , and we look forward to this with anticipation . Amen , amen . So you know , on our normal meaningful Mondays , we will be spending a full five minutes in prayer over this , right now , in this time , because it's so vital for everyone participating on the call to simply observe what we have witnessed , observe the art and invite the Lord in and to learn the discipline of being still and to ask Him what he would have mixed . So , philip , artist extraordinaire , good job .

Speaker 1 30:43

Philip , thank you so much . This is unbelievably sacred and meaningful to me . Incredible gift You're welcome .

Speaker 3 30:58

Thank you for the privilege .

Speaker 2 31:02

So , philip , as you consider this art before you , as you've heard Drew's story of difficulty and as we've stepped into some beautiful healing already , like this expression of hope , comfort , security that the Lord is already bringing into you and to young Drew , philip , I'm curious if you are sensing anything from the Lord that he would like to bring into this .

Speaker 3 31:38

Fascinatingly , I have not that corner . I'm still waiting , along with both of you .

Speaker 2 31:45

I have something . Okay , cool , I'm ready .

God's Presence and Healing in Pain

Speaker 1 31:51

When we quieted ourselves , I received two words from God saying I'm here .

Speaker 2 32:03

I'm here , two words .

Speaker 3 32:08

Yeah .

Speaker 1 32:16

And specifically , I'm here with you in exactly what you feel , and I was with you in the depths of your pain when no one else was .

Speaker 2 32:56

How does that feel to your nervous system , Drew ? As you see those words being written out , it almost feels like I'm digesting something Like I'm feeling something go down into my stomach .

Speaker 2 33:08

No kidding , integration is taking place , my friend . Yeah , this is why , as each man does this work , we capture it at the end on film and we send to the man a picture . And I invite you , in weeks to come , to bring this image before the Lord and allow his continued healing to happen . These things , healing layers just as we watch , the chalk art change dynamically before us as we talk , the healing layers , and it's as though new levels of cement are being poured within your soul . Yeah , and the Lord is celebrating this work , and it takes time . I love that imagery that you just did Like . It feels like something is digesting down deep inside .

Speaker 1 34:13

Literally . That's what I feel in my stomach .

Speaker 2 34:15

Yeah , right .

Speaker 1 34:17

Like some food is going down .

Speaker 2 34:19

Yeah , Like yeah .

Speaker 1 34:23

Which is interesting because you'd ask me what I was feeling , and I was talking about this tension in my stomach , and so another phrase I'm getting from Little Drew is I love this Instead of I hate this . I love this this . I'm here .

Speaker 3 34:47

This of God .

Speaker 2 34:51

That's incredible . Yeah , yeah . Why does that feel like to say that it feels weird ? No , kidding , like that's a big game changer .

Speaker 1 35:04

Well , and it's not saying I love what happened , it's like I love what's happening now . This connection , comfort , security in my place of grief and loss , amen and sadness .

Speaker 2 35:25

Amen . You bring up a really important part , a teaching piece , and that is it is not our intent to gloss over the difficulty or to sweep it under the rug or like you were just talking about a bit ago . You know , have the right Christian plightitude . That is not what's going to bring true change in healing and growth and strength and solidness and peace . It truly is this whole aspect of God being with us in the difficulty .

Speaker 1 36:06

Yes , and as we talk , I'm also getting just a little bit of tension in my gut as well .

Speaker 2 36:18

As you digest .

Speaker 1 36:19

Yeah , there's a bit of tension because the I love this might become another spiritual plightitude or toxic positivity or you know , just like , oh , everything's great now . No , yeah .

Speaker 2 36:34

Right . So what could you do , or what can you imagine taking place on the screen , on the canvas , of your story that would help young Drew relax and realize that that is not something you're going to let happen with this sacred story .

Speaker 1 37:01

There needs to be space for me to hate parts of my life and love parts of my life .

Speaker 2 37:10

Yes .

Speaker 1 37:10

Or hate and love the same part of my life at the same time . Yes , so it's that challenge of living in the both and yeah , yeah , that feels , that feels good to embrace the both and .

Speaker 2 37:28

So different than a lot of traditional Christian culture where we have to have either or yeah , oh , the sitting in the both and , and I think it . How like the life of Christ , but that in the tension of both , and , yes , as he walked on this earth . Yeah , what are you feeling , drew ?

Speaker 1 37:53

I'm seeing Jesus show up in the middle of . I hate this . He doesn't make it fully go away and part of me is kind of salty and annoyed about that . And I also appreciate this , this connection , because isn't this the greatest intimacy and this the deepest connection , not in our happiness , but in our vulnerability and in our suffering . So I see him coming to me there saying I'm here with you in this .

Speaker 2 38:41

So beautiful . I think one of the most incredible , comforting aspects of being a Christian is to recognize that Jesus felt and feels our suffering Like he knew what it is . He knows what it's like to feel betrayed in his body . He knows what it's like to be taken somewhere against his will . He knows what it's like to feel all alone . Those have been his experiences and it adds a whole new , whole , constructivist , this idea of God with us , because he himself has built these stories of challenge , just as we have .

Speaker 1 40:01

As I look at this , I see Jesus with his royal sash that sometimes will be going diagonally over his body . That looks kind of like my seatbelt there , oh my goodness . And to me that symbolizes the incarnation how he has experienced everything we experience .

Speaker 2 40:36

Powerful , powerful , yeah , wow . The beauty of this work is anytime this trauma comes back to say hello and I honestly believe it will never come back to say hello in the same way as it has in the past through . I believe there's an aspect of this where you are fully free in this moment , and when the old memories come back to say hello , you have a new picture and you will have this picture forever to remind you of this moment .

Speaker 1 41:25

I see this heart , jesus' heart is connected to my heart . He's providing comfort and security and connection and His hand is around my side , even closer than my hand , when I was holding little Drew's hand . Jesus has come even closer .

Speaker 2 41:46

So , good . That's beautiful to me , but I love how that this is lighted up . I'm reminded of a phrase my mother has pinned on her bulletin board down by her desk , and it's a simple phrase , but all it says is for this , I have Jesus . Yeah , for this , you have Jesus . For this young Drew has Jesus .

Speaker 1 42:14

Yes , I see the word this really popping out .

Speaker 2 42:19

I'm here with you in this . Oh my goodness that seatbelt is like so different now .

Speaker 1 42:30

It's been transformed . That's quite amazing . There's a part of me that wants to flatter Philip right now , and yet I know that his deepest heart , and all of our deepest heart , is not to say what a great artist or what a great piece of art here , but wow , what a great Savior , what a great God we have he is so loving .

Speaker 1 43:00

He is so kind . He is so attuned and present to us . He never leaves . He's always here . Healing is possible . Freedom is available in him . With him , as we create this space , he comes to fill it , and the Holy Spirit is living and active here . I am just worshiping God right now .

Speaker 2 43:23

Amen , amen . He is in this work . Yeah , through and through . I could just sit here and watch Philip's skill all day , because I watch like if there's a moment where he can add something , he just adds a little bit to bring a word popping out here or another color , and it's ever unfolding and changing . It's so beautiful . Philip , thank you for giving your talent in this way as a healing catalyst for others .

Speaker 1 44:00

And John , thank you . You have given me the voice and the space to be able to tell this story and to be present to myself in a way I would not have been able to do on my own .

Speaker 2 44:18

It is truly my honor . I suffered a move similar to yours when I was 14 . That rocked my world , so I so resonate with this story of difficulty .

Speaker 1 44:34

Yeah , and you could have brought in your story , but you didn't . You kept the spotlight on me and what I was experiencing , and that's so important . And yet , at the same time , I know you know what this feels like I do and this is so cool . I mean , we weren't even sure if we were going to be able to do this due to sickness technology .

Speaker 2 45:04

God , it is amazing . I just love looking at that chalk tray . Look at all those colors down there .

Speaker 3 45:11

Oh , how does that feel ?

Speaker 2 45:17

Yeah , how does that feel , Drew , to feel that disfading a little bit ?

Speaker 1 45:23

Yeah , distrust is turning into trust . I have a settled feeling about that . This is the right kind of trust , not the surface level . Spiritual bypass yes , yes , deeper and also ever ongoing and ever unfolding and now spiritualized is becoming spiritual .

Speaker 2 45:49

When you see the finished product as it's coming together . Philip beautifully creates this thing that it's not like , it's like oh , it's all bitter now , it's all wonderful , you know , but there's something deeper there . There's like the scars of this story remain , yeah , and yet Jesus is here in it in his healing way . And I really honor this story in your life , drew , because without it you wouldn't quite be the man you are today .

Speaker 1 46:22

Yes , Well , that's very true , and this was really the soil that my sexual addiction grew out of .

Speaker 2 46:35

And while none of us would wish a sexual addiction on any brother , I just think about what a tremendous blessing your giving this over to the Lord has been . Think about husband material Right .

Speaker 1 46:53

Yeah , you know , even transforming that computer into a place of healing and transformation .

Speaker 2 47:01

Yes , media , the use of media .

Speaker 1 47:05

Philip , I've got one other update for the word trapped . It can be the word wrapped , because I'm wrapped in his arms .

Speaker 3 47:16

Beautiful . Thank you , I needed help with that .

Speaker 2 47:19

I love it . I love it . It's the beauty of chalk . And can you imagine ? This is all done on a black cotton sheet .

Speaker 1 47:34

Yeah , that's amazing . And so now , as I look at this , everything is different . It's all new . He's making all things new .

Speaker 2 47:52

Amen Amen .

Speaker 1 47:58

And the old stuff hasn't been erased or replaced it's been redeemed . It's being redeemed . No , and that was another feeling that I've had . I haven't shared it to this point because it didn't quite feel time yet . But another one of these core truths that comes to me now is what happened is over . It's the year 2024 . I'm now living in Colorado Springs , a place where I really am loving it , and I have a nice little small house .

Speaker 2 48:45

Yay for small houses . You know what I really like about what you just said , drew , it's not this oh , that happened in the past . Why are you still stuck there ? This kind of like Christian-ese of like forgetting the things that are in the past and moving forward , but you're like there's sufficient healing to say , yeah , that wasn't the past . And yes , it was difficult , and yes , christ is healing it and redeeming it and changing it , and , yes , you have so many beautiful things about your life now .

Speaker 1 49:32

Yeah , and this is such a great example of how every trigger is a trailhead , because what I felt going to my parents' house over the holidays historically could have been sending me down the road to sexually acting out . Instead , it revealed a part of my story that I needed to feel , and now , today , look what has resulted . We really need to learn how to transform our triggers so that we can experience this kind of healing .

Speaker 2 50:08

I'm reminded , drew , of what you talk about around the holidays . You know and you say remember , you're going back into the family system . That produced and added , and that is really really quite a statement .

Speaker 1 50:24

Yeah , look at this family system on the canvas .

Speaker 2 50:29

Look at this new family system and look at how you are creating and Christ is creating in you a new reality .

Speaker 1 50:40

Oh , oh , my gosh . Now I see little Drew holding out his hand again and it's almost like it's almost like out of this story I'm able to offer this hand to others .

Speaker 2 50:53

Amen , yes , and I see you doing that in such a powerful way , like without this experience . In some ways you might not be able to exactly like resonate in a tune to another man's story in the way that you can now . It's how Christ makes beauty out of our pain . He never wastes pain . I've spent material Academy .

Speaker 1 51:39

Has been birthed out of the long arc of this story .

Speaker 2 51:47

I think that's one of the most beautiful strengths about you , drew , is your authenticity . I don't think anyone could hear your story , watch your videos on husband material Academy , listen to your podcasts and say that you're phony . It's one of the most beautiful things and it makes me trust you an awful lot . Thank you .

Speaker 1 52:14

John , I received that . What an incredible presence and attention to detail in this work of art . Philip , you have been so locked in to everything I've been saying and doing and feeling . That is really an extravagant act of love .

Speaker 2 52:51

Philip , I'm curious to know how the artist himself is doing with all of this beautiful work we've seen . How is this affecting you and your soul ?

Speaker 3 53:04

Yeah , I feel comforted and more secure as well . I was a mix of anxious and joyful ahead of this experience , but it's also a redemptive opportunity for my journey , because I carry with me sadness for the years that I spent trying to perform to earn the love of Jesus . I feel more secure and more comforted that he's giving me a chance to do redemptive work on that story and just use my gifts in the moment , trusting him to guide my hand . It's healing for me as well .

Speaker 2 53:43

Beautiful . Thank you so much . You've done something really amazing in Drew's life during this hour together .

Meaningful Mondays

Speaker 1 53:57

This is just the beginning of Meaningful Mondays Every week , the final image Philip creates , as well as some of the images in between , will be captured and shared with the man in the hot seat . And then what will happen after that ?

Speaker 3 54:21

Yeah , once this process is complete , I use a shop vac , I take this canvas down off the wall , take it outside and I vacuum off this chalk and we'll reuse the same canvas . But your individual story will be released back into the atmosphere as dust . So , yeah , some of it will definitely linger in my heart , held with great confidentiality . Some of it will linger in the house in the form of dust blown around by the furnace . But the majority of your story will be released back to you and Jesus for him to take you forward .

Speaker 1 54:57

This will be happening every week inside Husband Material Academy . Every week , one brave student will take the hot seat and share a story of difficulty , and John will be the listener and Philip will be the artist and we will send you a picture afterward and the Lord , most importantly , will do his incredible deep healing work .

Speaker 2 55:28

And for those of you who may be considering doing this , I encourage you just to step into it . You don't necessarily have to come ultra prepared with a specific story or with certain fine points , but just follow what Drew's been showing us . Just bring up a story of difficulty , begin talking , and we'll invite the Lord into it and see what he has to show us all .

Speaker 1 55:56

Philip , is there anything else you would like to add ? What would you like to say to the guys who are watching this ?

Speaker 3 56:05

Your anxiety and your uncertainty is totally welcome here , and stories of pain are a very sacred trust , and so it is a deep privilege that I hold , with utmost confidence , to be in this spot of being a vessel of the master artist . He knows your story best , and we are trusting him to draw it and to unfold it for the future .

Speaker 2 56:37

Absolutely Amen and God . We give you thanks for your transformation in this process .

Speaker 1 56:45

Even just watching someone else's story like this can be healing . It rubs off on everyone . Everyone gets something out of it .

Speaker 2 56:55

Yes , what is it they say every man's work is my own work .

Speaker 1 57:00

So , whatever is happening for you right now , jesus says I'm here with you and through a process like this , we get to experience that At the date that this video and podcast is published . Hma is currently open . It opens up twice a year . You can join for this week only and then six months later it will open up again , and meaningful Mondays is included as part of HMA membership , so you can go to join HMAcom , either to join now or later , to get on the waitlist , and we would love to have you . John Philip , thank you so much for creating this sacred space , as we were sensitive to how the Lord led us together oh , it's been my honor and even outside of meaningful Mondays . What a great example of the power of creativity in our recovery and in our healing . Healing is always creative and creativity is always healing , so this is a wonderful example of that . May it be an encouragement to us to continue our own healing journey in a creative way . Always remember you are God's beloved Son and you , he is well pleased .