Speaker 1 0:01

Welcome to the Husband Material podcast , where we help Christian men outgrow porn . Why ? So you can change your brain , heal your heart and save your relationship . My name is Drew Boa and I'm here to show you how let's go .

Speaker 1 0:19

Today's episode is a replay of the Inner Child Challenge Live Workshop , which I facilitated in July . It was amazing and right now you are getting a modified version of it which is just focused on the teaching and some of the exercises . You're not going to get the long pauses that we took to allow everybody to do the exercises , so you may want to pause it at certain points so that you can fully participate . And , of course , you're not going to get the small group portion , which was really powerful , and I would encourage you to listen to this or to watch this with a friend if you really want to process it with someone else and get the most out of it . We also didn't include all of the Q&A at the end , which was a rich dialogue , and I absolutely loved it . Because Inner Child Work is so vulnerable and because confidentiality is so important , I really didn't feel good about including the experiences of our live participants on the episode . At the same time , I really want to include you and as many men as possible in this work . When you can understand the concept of the Inner Child and actually connect with your Inner Child , it opens up amazing opportunities for healing and freedom from porn . So enjoy the workshop

Welcome to the workshop!

Speaker 1 1:36

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Speaker 1 1:37

Welcome to the Inner Child Challenge . You made it so glad you're here . This is going to be awesome . You are taking the time to invest in your healing and freedom and redemption and I can't wait for this work we're going to do together . It's great to see your faces . Woo , let's do this . Where are you coming in from today ? Where are you in the world ? Let's see . Put it in the chat . Let me know where you are New Zealand , thailand , missouri , texas , maryland , chicago , michigan , connecticut , canada , wyoming , sydney , australia , brazil , dallas , florida Wow , kind of inspiring . Melbourne , north Carolina Fantastic , you guys are the ones who came on time . Let's do this While everyone is still coming in .

Introducing special guest Dr. Eddie Capparucci

Speaker 1 2:57

I want to make a special welcome to our surprise guest of the evening , dr Eddie Capparucci , author of Going Deeper how the Inner Child Impacts Sex Addiction . Welcome , eddie .

Speaker 2 3:13

Drew , thank you . Hey guys , it's great to see all of you . I love an international crowd , so , and I see we have some Jersey boys among our group , so welcome to you too . So , yeah , I'm excited about being here . So thank you . Thank you for inviting me .

Speaker 1 3:30

You're welcome and , guys , let's give Eddie some love and thanks for all of his work in creating a foundation for a lot of what we're going to do tonight . Thank you so much to Eddie and Jay Stringer and Patrick Carnes and all who have gone before and taught me so much about this topic and why the Inner Child is really at the core Of our unwanted sexual behavior and also how we can heal Right now . We have guys here who are totally brand new to husband material and to the concept of the Inner Child . We have guys who have been in the community for a while . We have others who have been students for a long time and you know the power of this work . Wherever you're coming from , welcome , All parts of you are welcome here , and this workshop is sponsored by Husband Material Academy , the all-in-one program for Christian men outgrowing porn . If you're interested in continuing what we start today and you're wondering what's next , for me HMA is the best .

Speaker 1 4:50

Next step and really the core of what we do in Husband Material Academy comes down to what we're doing tonight Connecting with Jesus , with ourselves , with each other , because the opposite of addiction is not sobriety , it's connection . If I had to summarize my approach just two sentences . It would be men , don't get hooked on porn boys . Do so , heal the boy and the man will appear . For the most part , men , adult men do not get hooked on porn boys . Do Heal the boy and the man will appear . Eddie , why is that so important ?

Speaker 2 5:34

Well , it's critical for many reasons . Before I go there , let me just say I am an honorary member of HMA . I do not get any reimbursement for anything I do and I'm telling you , if you are considering joining , this is without a doubt one of the strongest , one of the most productive communities . I do not endorse too many of them . I'm very careful and very selective about the people who I endorse , and Drew Boa I endorse completely .

Speaker 2 6:08

The inner child really serves as a segue to the development of our addictive brain , which really starts at a very early age . And one of the key components for that addiction , for that addictive brain to develop , is we're not taught how to sit with our emotional distress . So therefore , the kid has to come up as children , we have to come up with a coping strategy . And what is that ? That's what I won't think about it . Well , how do I not think about it ? I'm going to distract myself . Too much food , too much sugar , too much television , you know now today . Too many video games , you know there's so many more distractions . And over time you keep using your behaviors over and over and over and over again . You start to develop addictive tendency . So your inner child is kind of that gateway because he represents , subconsciously represents , our unresolved childhood pain point that still haunt us today . So when we start to feel that pain , here comes the kid .

Speaker 1 7:14

And here comes porn or unwanted sexual behavior having a seemingly irresistible appeal . And I want to start by asking all of you guys when did you first get exposed to porn or when did you first start pursuing unwanted sexual behavior ? And you could put your answer in the chat Second grade , age 13 , age 7 , 15 , 6 , 9 . You were just a boy , mid-20s , and that happens too , even if you were exposed older . A lot of times we were set up to struggle with it long beforehand , especially if we grew up in a home or a school or a church where conversations about sexuality weren't happening or they were full of toxic shame and purity culture , so that we felt that sex was bad and that made it forbidden and magicalized . Well , when you do inner child work , your sexual fantasies and porn become much less magical and much more manageable . That's one of the things that I've experienced . It's really helped me in my journey of feeling like I don't have to fight this constant battle against my sexuality . Instead , when I can face my inner child , it becomes so much easier , and we have some awesome stories from guys who have experienced the power of this . I want to emphasize that my approach and the inner child process doesn't resonate with everybody , and that's okay . It has had a life-changing impact on many of us , so it's worth a shot . And if you need to adjust what we're doing today to work for you , or if there are certain things you don't want to participate in , that's okay . I respect your wisdom and your boundaries .

Two stories of healing

Speaker 1 9:21

Here are a couple of the stories that I've received in just the last two weeks . One guy said the inner child process seems obvious to me . Now it's too bad many Christian men aren't aware of it . Even in my first week here I've already stolen the power of most of my fantasies and pleasure triggers by pinpointing the pain that prompted my younger self to adopt them . I don't feel the need to fix or stop my arousal now when it comes . Somebody else said when I'm feeling the urge to sexually act out , I immediately go to my little boy or my teenage boy and ask him what he needs . It's amazing how , the more deeply I connect with him , the sexual urges almost instantly go away . I find that in that moment I no longer want sex . Instead I want connection . Isn't that awesome , eddie ? What do you think ?

Speaker 2 10:12

I think it's dead on . I mean because , again , this is not about sex , it is about intimacy and it's also the idea that again , I keep going back to it cannot sit with emotional distress . We find an outlet for it , and you may have several outlets . You may not just have one , you may have many . And again , this is your inner child who , again , something happened today . He pulls something out of your storage unit and looks very similar to him and therefore , what happens ? He gets upset . Your anxiety rises . When your anxiety increases , your compulsiveness increases . When that happens , you're going to make bad decisions .

Speaker 1 11:02

Right , and we're not saying that you have no control or that you're not responsible for your decisions . You are responsible for taking care of that inner child so that he doesn't take control , so that he doesn't take over . The inner child is not an excuse . Rather , it's a way of understanding where all of this comes from .

Speaker 2 11:24

Yes , that's absolutely right . We do own our own stuff , that kid . What we're trying to do here with this process is for you to , one , understand he exists and two and Drew mentioned the word before manage him because he wants to be managed , Because he's afraid . He's afraid because there was never an adult there for him . You are now going to become that adult and by doing that you calm him down . You calm him down , your anxiety calms down , your compulsiveness calms down . You make better decisions .

Speaker 1 12:01

It becomes a lot easier . Yes , and that's what so many of us need , because we've been fighting a frustrating , exhausting battle for too many years . And this is a totally different approach that eliminates a lot of the battle , because you get right to the heart , you get right to the core of what's really going on .

Speaker 2 12:25

Right , and that core is going to be emotional pain . There's going to be emotional pain that's unresolved , that you are not aware of , and what you're going to do is you're going to be bringing that out and you're going to confront it and you're going to deal with it and again , that's going to be kind of scary , but in the long run now you understand why , why I do , why I think , feel and do what I do , and that empowers you .

Speaker 1 12:52

Yes , that's what we'll be doing today , so it will be uncomfortable . There will be some emotional distress coming up . If you need to take a break , that's okay . Also , this is a chance for us to grow and to push our limits a little bit with sitting in that emotional distress and being present Before we get into the teaching today .

Addressing concerns and hesitations about inner child work

Speaker 1 13:19

I want to address a couple of concerns and hesitations that you guys might have about the concept of the inner child and even if you think it's a real thing and it's been really helpful for you , you probably have some friends who feel differently and it might be helpful to have some language to be able to respond to them when they're like what are you talking about ? So , eddie , what are some of the common misconceptions people have ?

Speaker 2 13:46

Well , one is , especially from a Christian perspective . You get the comment well , the inner child is not biblical . Well , first let me address the idea of how the inner child is not a biblical perspective . One , it's not an excuse for our destructive behaviors . It doesn't replace the concept of sin or accountability . The inner child , what it does , it provides a rationale for our behavior . Okay , I understand now why , but it doesn't provide an out for us . Okay , we again are responsible .

Speaker 2 14:34

The inner child is not a repressed version of ourselves . Okay , inner child is fearful , scared , lonely , confused , dealing with a lot of emotion , doesn't know how to deal with them . The inner child doesn't have the power to set you free . That is the role of Jesus Christ . Your inner child want one thing he want comfort . He doesn't want to feel the pain . He doesn't have the power to transform us . That comes from God working within us .

Speaker 2 15:11

The inner child , not mentioned anywhere in the Bible , okay , but there's a lot in the Bible is said about children and how they should be treated , and for many of us , as children , we've really we suffered in different ways and again , it may have been at the hands of very good people who just didn't have the skills or they were overwhelmed themselves , because you know Drew will talk more about later . You know trauma and neglect neglect is just as bad as trauma . So , anyway , that's one of the things that you hear often . You know from a biblical perspective , but there is a place for the inner child from the Bible and that's the sense that children should be respected and treated well .

Speaker 1 15:59

Yes , and a couple of verses that may be helpful to consider are my favorite chapter of the Bible , psalm 131 , which says I have stilled and quieted my soul like a weaned child within me . Have you ever done that ? Do you know how to do that ? How to still and quiet your soul like a child within you ? That's what we'll be practicing today , and Jesus himself said let the little children come to me and do not hinder them , for theirs is the kingdom of God . That's also what we're doing today .

Speaker 1 16:43

We're bringing the parts of us that are childlike to Jesus , the emotional , vulnerable parts , because those are the parts that are attached to porn . It's not the middle , it's not the mature , logical , rational , adult self who uses porn . It's a part of us that doesn't feel God's love , that doesn't feel there's a way out . That doesn't feel okay . And so we're going to connect that wounded place with the love of God and also with each other . You will have an opportunity later to share a little bit With some other men in this group . So , now that we've talked a little bit about the inner child from the perspective of the Bible , I'm about to tell you a little bit more about it from the perspective of brain science . Then we will do an exercise where you will need a piece of paper and some colors and at the end you'll have an opportunity to share with others , if you want . You just want to make one last point .

Speaker 2 17:49

I want to stress what you were saying before the idea of still . Okay , drew will tell you people make fun of me , slow everything down . We struggle with that because we don't know how to be still . You can't be still in the midst of the crisis because you don't have that capability . Why is it so important to be still ? Because when your anxiety starts to increase and that compulsiveness starts to increase , learning to be still is like you know what I can go back to , that I can quiet myself down , I can quiet my child down , and that's why it's important Meditation every day , and Drew is going to show you some other techniques . You need to learn to be still , and you know what it sucks . We don't like it . It's not natural for us . Anyway , you guys have an amazing morning . I know it's going to be awesome for all of you . I wish you nothing but the best in your recovery and God bless all of you . Thanks , drew .

Speaker 1 19:00

Thanks , eddie . Okay , let's slow everything down . Take a few deep breaths . We have a hundred participants here . That's amazing .

What is inner child work?

Speaker 1 19:22

So today I will clarify what the inner child is . Based on brain science , we'll give you a chance to connect with your inner child and then to be known by others instead of being alone . Before we begin , here is a little story for you . A few years ago in Thailand , 12 boys on a soccer team and their coach became trapped in an underwater cave . Nobody knew if they were dead or alive for a few days . In the end , all of them were rescued and an amazing documentary was made about them , called Rescue . Here they are the boys who were trapped in the cave . Reality is , we don't just have one inner child .

Speaker 2 20:21

We have many .

Speaker 1 20:24

One who feels unloved , one who feels unsafe , one who feels invisible , one who feels powerless , one who feels unworthy . It's like we have an orphanage of different parts of ourselves that got left behind , that got trapped in a cave . Today we are performing a rescue operation . We're gonna go find those boys and love them and lead them out . This documentary is amazing . I would highly recommend watching it . I wept three times because it's a picture of our healing . Here's how they did it and here's how we're gonna do it . First you gotta locate the boys , you gotta love the boys and then you gotta lead the boys .

Speaker 1 21:23

In the actual story of the rescue , first they had to find the boys . They didn't know where they were . It took days for them to explore these underwater tunnels . In the end they found them . Once they found the boys , they still weren't sure if they were gonna be able to save them . The next thing they did was they left a couple of Thai Navy SEALs with the boys in the cave .

Speaker 1 21:55

This part was so moving to me . One of them was a doctor and he said he would stay with the boys no matter what , no matter how long it took , till the very end he would not leave them . That is what I mean when I say love the boy . We're not just trying to fix , we're not just trying to solve all the problems . You need to be with him and build trust with him , because if you're gonna rescue your inner child , you need his cooperation , because if not , he will retaliate and he will go right back into the cave , the dark cave of pornography and unwanted sexual behavior , because that's what he knows . You need to love the boy and earn the right to lead him . That's what we're working on today . We're working on building a relationship with parts of you that you may have been ignoring for years or you may not have even known we're there . How do we do this ? How do we locate the boy , love the boy and lead the boy ? Let's start with the first step . Locate

Explicit memory vs. implicit memory

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the inner child is an oversimplified way of talking about memory .

Speaker 1 23:24

I want to do a little exercise with you guys to explain the two types of memory . Think of one of your favorite songs . If you want , put it in the chat . What is one of your all-time favorite songs ? Piano man , cool Change , panama , drinking , my Hand Working in a Coal Mine Under Pressure Power of Love . Okay , think of that song Now . Try to remember the words , not singing it , just the words themselves . If you can try to remember the lyrics to that song , you are activating your explicit memory . Explicit memory is like trying to remember my grandmother's birthday . It requires conscious effort . It's recalling information and it activates the left brain logic analysis . That's explicit memory . It takes work .

Speaker 1 24:30

There's another type of memory , called implicit memory or body memory , which is very different . Now , if you got that song , your favorite song , when you play that song in your mind , does it take you somewhere ? Does it take you back in time ? What does it bring up for you ? What does it evoke for you when you think of that song ? Does it take you back to a certain person or place or time ? Azzar , it just happens automatically . You don't even try , it's effortless . You automatically go back there .

Speaker 1 25:10

When you hear that song on the radio , it creates an emotional response in you . That's body memory . It's very sensory , it's automatic . And it happens even without our awareness . Sometimes you might be listening to the song and be like why am I crying right now ? Why is this affecting me so much ? It's your body memory . Here's why all of that is so important .

Speaker 1 25:38

We experience implicit memory all the time , but especially when we get into a situation that is emotionally distressing , like what Eddie said in the past , without even knowing it , we feel like we're back years and years ago and I feel like that little boy again , without even knowing it . Those are the times when porn is most powerful . Those are the times when we are most sexually susceptible , or maybe you might even be extremely aroused by something sexual , and it's disproportionate , it's not just attractive , it's irresistible . Could that be your implicit memory , your body remembering something ? It happens far more frequently than we realize because it's unconscious .

Step 1: locate the boy

Speaker 1 26:42

So the first step to locate the boy is to become aware when your implicit memory is being activated , when your body memories are bringing that boy into your life right now . I hope that makes sense and I want to help us begin to get in touch with some of those memories . That's the first step to locating the boy is to realize where that boy is showing up in your life right now , where your inner child is getting activated , either by pain that feels intolerable or pleasure that feels irresistible . But I'm going to make it really simple so that hopefully everyone will be able to connect . Here we go . This is a way of activating your implicit memory .

Speaker 1 27:42

What lies do you sometimes believe about yourself ? Here are some examples I'm ugly , I'm alone , I'm stupid , I'm a failure , I'm not male , I'm worthless , I don't matter , I don't belong , I'm powerless , I'm not lovable , I'm not good enough , I can't do hard things , I don't deserve good things and I hear this one more and more my penis is too small . What lies do you sometimes believe about yourself ? You know these things are not true intellectually , but they feel true . Again , there's that emotional , vulnerable , wounded part of you coming up . What lies do you sometimes believe about yourself ? Put it in the chat I'm unworthy , irredeemable , I'm not as important as other people . I'm small or weak Exactly . I'm not strong , I'm ugly , I'm not worth pursuing .

Speaker 1 28:45

I'm inadequate , not capable , not good enough . If everyone knew me , they would leave me . It's so heartbreaking . These negative narratives , or what Eddie calls core emotional triggers , they came from somewhere . They have power because at one time those lies were true or felt true . That is the power of implicit memory . There are times when I feel that way again because maybe at one point I was powerless over what was happening , or I wasn't good enough for my dad or for the other boys at school , or I felt worthless when I was rejected .

Speaker 1 29:40

So that feeling can stay with us and I want you to begin to take that implicit memory and make it explicit . And the way we do that is by asking this question when have I felt this way before ? So take that lie that feels true and ask yourself when have I felt that way before ? That lie is like a song playing in your mind , playing in your body . Let it take you back in time . Let it take you back somewhere . Follow the memory . When have you felt that way before ? See some of you guys commenting great , this is the point when we are going to take out our coloring materials .

Speaker 1 30:46

Hopefully you have a piece of paper or two , something to write and draw with , hopefully , at least three colors , and we are going to take about 10 to 15 minutes to draw a picture of what felt true . Some examples I am seeing are elementary school , when I was bullied , when I fell to sports , whenever my mom was critical of me when I struggled with ADHD . Man , I resonate with that elementary , when I was very fat and didn't have the capability to lose weight . So I want you to draw a picture of that and I want to give you an example of a picture that I drew . This is me at two years old . My dad is gone at work all day . My mom has plopped me in front of the TV screen for hours while she gets her work done at home . At two years old , I am all alone .

Speaker 1 31:49

I actually didn't remember this . This is not really my memory , but my mom told me that she did this and I was appalled . I was mortified . I would never put my kids in front of a TV for multiple hours , just leaving them off to themselves , at least not every day . So this is a huge part of what developed my addictive brain and my attachment to screens . This is my picture . I want to invite you to create your picture . Let the little boy show you his world . Remember it doesn't have to be perfectly accurate . What's important is what felt real , because memory is not a collection of facts , it's associations . There's stuff in my life today that feels similar to what happened back then .

Speaker 1 32:48

I'll give you a few minutes of silence here and if you have any questions , please send me a message in the chat and I'm here to support you as you continue to draw . You may want to check in in the chat . How are you feeling ? One guy saying I'm going through more tissues than colors . Somebody else is saying I'm an art student . So this exercise brings up current fears about me as an artist .

Speaker 1 33:23

This is a chance for us to let go of perfectionism , because we want it to seem like the drawing of a little boy , so the messier it is , the better . One guy asked are there more questions that can help me hone in on those feelings ? A different question would be what did you believe about yourself as a boy ? That would be a different way of getting at it . Reality is , we often feel that way , even still today . It's hard to get past the feelings . So many emotions are coming up , feeling sorry for that boy . If you're just joining us , we are drawing a picture of ourselves as a boy , specifically when we believe to lie . What did you believe about yourself as a boy , for example , I'm unworthy , I'm rejected , things like that . Here's coming up , realizing how inappropriate what happened to me was . This work allows us to make a profound shift in the way we view ourselves . Instead of asking what's wrong with me , we ask what happened to me ? Your inner child is not the problem . What happened to him and how he felt as a result is the problem . Actually , some of you may think I had a great childhood Many of us did and also , at the same time , there were still feelings that were unprocessed .

Speaker 1 35:05

There were things that needed to happen that didn't happen and made us susceptible and set us up to struggle sexually . Many of you are realizing how alone you felt , and we didn't even realize because we thought it was normal . You can continue to draw . Just like Eddie said , let's slow everything down and breathe . Notice you're breathing right now . Is it flat ? Is it shallow ? Hold your brain with oxygen . That can really help us come back to our senses and I want to remind you that what happened is over . Now . It's the year 2023 . You're here with me . I'm right here with you . I'm not going anywhere and you're surrounded by men who are caring and compassionate . He asked what if what happened still isn't over ? My friend , I'm so sorry . My heart goes out to you .

Speaker 1 36:22

Think reality is sometimes we are still trapped in that place , in that cave . Maybe you're still living with your parents . It makes it really hard to get free If you are still in the exact same situation where your attachment to porn developed . You guys are doing great . You are taking the inner child challenge and you have completed step one . Locate the boy . Now you have a picture of what it feels like when you get triggered , of what it feels like when those body memories get activated . That's just the first step .

Speaker 1 37:13

Revealing is not the same as healing , and understanding where all of this comes from does not necessarily resolve everything . That's why we need step two .

Step 2: love the boy

Speaker 1 37:24

Step two is love the boy , and for this step I am going to create a space for you to have a conversation with the boy in the picture that you drew . Take out another sheet of paper , if you have one , and get two colors or two different writing utensils . Have them in both hands , dual wielding . If you're like me , then your right hand is your dominant hand and your left hand is your non-dominant hand . With your dominant hand , you're going to be writing in the voice of your current self , your mature , adult self , right now , and with your left hand , you'll be writing in the voice of the boy in that picture that you drew .

Speaker 1 38:26

I'll give you an example of one that I wrote . You should see it on the screen . With my dominant hand I wrote how are you really feeling ? And then , with my non-dominant hand , the handwriting is messy . It looks like a little boy writing it . I said sad , but I can't be , and you can see how it developed from there . You don't want to write paragraphs , just quick back and forth lines and allow it to flow .

Speaker 1 39:04

Some of us can overthink this and get in our heads . See if you can get into your heart and into your gut and respond from that place . Just let the boy speak . It doesn't have to make sense . You can see , in my dialogue I wrote I hate this in all caps . That was a tremendous amount of anger that came out . I want you to write your own dialogue and as you do so , your primary goal is not to try to make the boy feel better . It is to be fully with him .

Speaker 1 39:54

Withness is what helps . Two ways you can do that are offering him curiosity and compassion . Curiosity means you are a learner . You're not here to teach him with answers for him . You're not here to try to straighten him out . You're here to learn . Some responses of curiosity might be how are you feeling ? I notice that you're looking down , that your eyes are going down to the floor . Or another response of curiosity might be tell me more about that . So that's curiosity . You might also respond with compassion . Compassion means suffering with Passion , like suffering of the Passion of the Christ , calm meaning with , so you want to suffer with him . Some responses of compassion might be that makes so much sense . Or I'm right here with you , or I'm so sorry . What happened to you is not okay and you might also want to apologize for how you have treated this boy . If you have been ignoring and avoiding this young , wounded , emotional part of you , maybe you want to say I'm sorry and hold the space .

Speaker 1 41:26

Be , with him . I'll give you a few minutes to do that . This is really intense . You may want to slow everything down . Take a break .

Speaker 1 41:40

This is the challenge of sitting with emotional distress . Okay , if you would like to extend this exercise , take out a third color , which represents the voice of Jesus , and allow Jesus to enter this conversation . What does he want you to know ? Does he want that little boy to know ? If you don't know , that's okay . If you're not getting anything , that's okay . Maybe Jesus wants to offer you words , or maybe he wants to offer you a hug or his heart , or he wants to give you something Like love , joy , peace , kindness .

Speaker 1 42:44

If what you're writing doesn't resonate with you , then let it go . If it feels like a cliche , contrived or forced , then it's not going to help very much . If you want to take it one level further , then draw Jesus in your picture , invite him to show up in that event , show you where he is , how he's relating to you . Remember Jesus always related to children with open arms and he always responded to sexually broken people by moving toward them , by coming closer in friendship . And if that is not working for you , that's okay .

Speaker 1 43:48

Here is one thing that I do want to encourage you to do Recall that lie . Let's start at all of this , the lie that you sometimes believe about yourself , and write the exact opposite of that lie . So if your lie is I am unworthy , write I am worthy . If your lie is I am alone , write I am not alone . Flip that lie on its head . Write the truth . It's true that the truth will set us free . This is a way of allowing you to experience the truth more deeply , to feel it and not just know it intellectually , but to engage with your imagination . Our imaginations have been captured and held captive by porn . Now we are storming our imaginations and reclaiming them for healing . You're using your imagination for this . It's great .

Speaker 1 44:59

If you're done responding to the chat , share just one word . What is this like for you ? How was it for you ? Just one word this is new , challenging , overdue , painful , redemptive healing , healing , healing . It's awkward , yes , shattering , wow . Vulnerable , warm , game changer , comforting , hard tension . This is needed . This is eye-opening . This is relational . Yes , oh , my gosh , jesus was with me and holding me . I love that . It's difficult , it's exhausting . Powerful healing , feeling a deeper connection with my inner child . Wonderful . If you're not , that's okay too . Empowering , acceptance , hopeful . I just cried a little , release the tears . I didn't think I could love him , but I do . Isn't that amazing ? Some of us need a little bit more support to be able to do this and for others it just doesn't resonate . As you're saying , this is spiritual , this is deliverance . Confusing but exhilarating . My heart hurts but I feel now I'm learning how to embrace the feeling , and you're doing it .

Speaker 1 46:51

Some of you might know the movie Hook , which is about Peter Pan . Peter Pan is learning to use his imagination . He's having to relearn how to use his imagination as an adult and the Lost Boys are trying to help him do it . At one point they say there you are , peter , you're doing it . That's how I feel about you guys in this moment . Man , there you are , you're doing it . You're learning to use your imagination for healing . The enemy has occupied our imaginations for far too long . We are reclaiming them . Someone saying I had seven submissions of EMDR over the past year and this is the best conversation I have had with my inner child . Wow , that's so cool . Let's keep going with this process of locate the boys , love the boys and lead

Step 3: lead the boy

Speaker 1 47:56

the boys , now that you have established some relationship and connection with a part of yourself that is younger . You have a chance to check in with him and see if he would be willing to be known by some other men in this group .

Speaker 1 48:23

If not , that's okay , I'm going to split us into breakout rooms and you will be with three or four guys in your room . All I want you to do is share . You can share your picture and hold it up , you can share your dialogue and read it , or you could just share about how this felt for you and what your experience was , without sharing the details . You have a voice and a choice for if and how you participate . Remember , this is about building relationship and trust with the boy . So he might not be ready to share , and that's okay . If he is , then you can take a redemptive risk of being vulnerable and reaching out and choosing connection , because the opposite of addiction is not sobriety , it's connection . So after you connect , then you direct . We're going to direct this process into telling our stories a little bit .

Speaker 1 49:34

I'm going to give you 30 minutes and in that time if you need any help , you can hit the little button that says I need help . You may be in a room where you're alone or there's just two people , and I'll keep organizing you to make sure everybody gets to be in a group who wants to be . And if you just stay with me here in the big group , we can talk .

Speaker 2 50:07

All right .

Speaker 1 50:10

Here we go Amazing . Thank you so much for taking the redemptive risk to share . I want to invite each of you , whether it's just on your little piece of paper or in the chat or in our big group here , to share one sentence about what happened today for you . Can you share one sentence ?

Truth statements

Speaker 1 50:44

Here are some of the true statements that men shared at the live workshop .

Speaker 1 50:48

I am not alone . I'm worth being loved . I am worth fighting for . I'm good enough . I have a friend in Jesus and he will never leave . Jesus doesn't care about my performance . Jesus has never left me alone . Jesus loves me .

Speaker 1 51:05

I am loved , worthy and not like my grandpa . Nothing is wrong with me . Nobody is controlling me and I have full access to my power . I am lovable , loving and loved . I am capable , I am competent . My value is not in my accomplishments . I am essential , appreciated and worthwhile . I belong . I am chosen . I am not the problem . I am brave and strong . I have purpose . I have worth . God , the Father , loves me unconditionally . I am wanted , I matter . It was not my fault . I am cool and desirable . I am clean . I am alive with Christ . I am accepted , I am included , I have been forgiven and I have been redeemed At this workshop .

Speaker 1 51:52

We not only got to speak those truths , but allow the younger , emotional , vulnerable parts of us to experience the truth . The truth really does set us free , not just when we understand it intellectually , but when we experience it . That's what this workshop was all about . I hope you had a great experience with this recording . At the same time , it's not the same as when you're doing it live , as when you're in the moment with somebody who's attuning to you and creating this space for you , whether one on one or in a small group context . That's what we do all the time at Husband and Material , in our one-on-one coaching , our small group coaching and in Husband and Material Academy . Thank you so much for being a part of this and look out for future workshops . I want to leave you with a blessing In the name of the Father , who loves you , and the Son who died for you , and the Spirit who lives in you . Always remember you are God's beloved Son and you , he is well pleased .